Simply End Remix
by Lecanis
Summary: Simply End, sequel to Simply Begin, Hiding, the Gossip Game, etc. In which Raidou makes a tough choice, and everything else falls apart, comes together again. Remix is basically the alternate ending, please read a/n inside for details.
1. Chapter 12: Understanding

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, or the characters. Duh.

A/N: This is the alternate ending to my fic Simply End. To be honest, this is the ending I wanted to write more, but since I started this little series with Hiding which was KakaIru, and it was my very first fanfiction, and I started it on the KakaIru community at livejournal, I couldn't NOT write a KakaIru ending. So if you're happy with the other ending, you don't have to read this one if you don't want.

This picks up after Chapter 11 of the original Simply End. I wasn't going to go repost every single chapter that is the same, so if you stumbled on this and you haven't read Simply End, just go to my profile and read it. This chapter uses some of the Chapter 12 from the original, but has one obvious key change, and the rest of the chapters after this will be all new. Enjoy.

Chapter Twelve: Understanding

"Where it all started," the Chuunin muttered under his breath, racing through the forest. "Melodramatic bastard," he added, but he was smiling. He couldn't wait to see Kakashi, whatever the circumstances, and he was running flat-out for the training grounds where he expected to find him. He'd stopped by the Memorial Stone on the way, just in case, since that first night they really connected Kakashi had chased him from there, but as expected, that wasn't the location Kakashi was referring to.

He felt the chakra barrier now, which meant he was very close. He gathered up all his courage for what he feared might be a confrontation, because while Kakashi had claimed everything was okay between them, the situation was definitely not normal. And what if Kakashi had changed his mind while he was away? Sighing, Iruka drew a deep breath and stepped into the clearing, looking up to find his lover sitting by the gate, just as he himself had sat over three years ago.

"Kakashi," he said, the word coming out with a wretched tone, and then tried again. "Kakashi, I missed you."

The other man looked up, and Iruka couldn't read anything on the small amount of his face showing. He was worried by the blood and dirt on the uniform, but the distance in Kakashi's eye kept him from running to his side and checking him for injuries. "I somehow doubt you missed me quite as much as I missed you," Kakashi said coolly, motioning for Iruka to take a seat next to him.

Iruka did so, leaning back against the gate as well. He had no reply for Kakashi's comment, and so sat silently, waiting for whatever would come next. His lover's demeanor scared him a little, but sometimes right after a mission Kakashi could be a little cool, so he hoped that was at least part of the problem. He wondered what he was supposed to tell Kakashi about the whole situation.

Kakashi sighed. "So, are you moving out or am I?" he asked bluntly, cutting to the chase. Might as well get this over with, he figured. He really wanted to ask about the big bruise on the other man's face, but didn't feel it would make things any easier for him.

Iruka turned to look at the silver-haired man, his eyes trying to catch some sign of what Kakashi was thinking or feeling. He wanted to speak, but couldn't seem to get any words past the choking feeling, and then the tears came, and for the second time that day Iruka tasted salt on his lips. Kakashi looked at him dully, and then said, "Oh don't cry, Iruka, please. It's bad enough you're leaving me, it's not fair of you to break down while doing it."

And then Iruka put the puzzle together, remembering that he'd brought some of his old things home from Genma's that morning, and left the boxes scattered everywhere in his hurry to get the job done. 

"Those boxes… those were things I cleared out of my old room at Genma's house, my stuff from when I was younger. I wasn't packing one of us up to move, Kakashi," he choked out.

Kakashi's eye widened a bit, and suddenly he felt like a particularly slow child. "Oh," he said simply. Then he paused. "If you cleaned out your room there, does that mean Genma and Raidou made up or something?"

Iruka shook his head sadly. "Not yet anyway. I honestly don't know what's going to happen there. The last I heard was that Raidou told Genma he wanted to talk and sort things out, but that he didn't consider them together anymore. I spoke to Raidou…" he reached up and touched his jaw gingerly at this point and then added, "It went better than I expected, actually."

"Oh," said Kakashi again. He leaned his head on Iruka's shoulder, and a shudder went through him. Iruka had come back to him, and Genma and Raidou hadn't made up. He was surprised, actually, having thought at one point that the only way he really had a chance were if Genma were to become unavailable again. "I ran all the way here. Did the mission in half the time it should have taken. I was in such a hurry to get the mission over with, and get home, because after I left… even though I had a reason for going, I started to wonder if it had really been the right thing to do."

Iruka moved as if to shrug, and then aborted the motion, not wanting to disturb the head on his shoulder. "Kakashi, don't ask me about whether anything is right or wrong at the moment. I don't know anything."

Kakashi didn't know what to say to that. He didn't think he wanted to know what Iruka had done that he didn't feel right about, whether it had been whatever had passed between him and Genma, or choosing to stay with Kakashi. "What happens now, Iruka?" he asked softly, suddenly unsure.

The dark-haired Chuunin put an arm around the Copy-Nin and pulled him close. "I don't feel like I get to make those kinds of decisions right now, Kakashi. I feel like I should be trying to make my own stupidity up to you somehow, as if I've fucked things up royally and have to somehow fix it. You said we were okay, but… I'm not very proud of myself right now."

Kakashi froze suddenly, and pulled away. There was something about the tone in Iruka's voice that didn't sound right to him. He'd told Iruka he could do whatever he wanted, so if all he did was something sexual, he wouldn't have second-guessed Kakashi's decision there. So what was he so broken up over? "What is it you are ashamed of?" he asked, staring down his lover with his one visible eye, glad again of his mask as a barrier between them.

Iruka turned his head away, and then turned his whole body, so he was sitting where he could bolt through the gate at any moment. It reminded him of the first time they'd been in this place together, when Kakashi had sat with him all night, and he hadn't gone into his sanctuary after all. "I was prepared to leave you, or thought I was," Iruka admitted. "It took Gen-chan telling me what I wanted for me to stop thinking I could leave you. Can you imagine how that makes me feel?"

Kakashi's voice was incredulous. "How it makes _you_ feel?"

A wince crossed over the scarred face, and Iruka turned back to Kakashi, pulling his knees in and resting his head on him, pulling into himself. "Of course, I'm sorry. I wasn't going to tell you, but you asked, and you know I can't lie to you."

Kakashi shook his head, and his eye was suddenly cold again. "Iruka, I told you that everything was going to be okay with us, and you could work things out with Genma any way you liked, for several reasons. First, there's the simple fact that I care about Genma too, and I wanted you to be able to help him when he was hurting. Second, I wanted to give you a chance to work out the feelings you still have there, because they have popped up occasionally over the years, and it has been hard to deal with. Third… I thought, if you really did want to be with him, it would be better for it to happen, 

to get it over with, and this seemed like the right opportunity. I did, however, mean what I said as well: I am not going to be angry with you whether you did or didn't sleep with him, and all I expected was for you to come home to me. But hearing that he had to tell you to do that… that does hurt." And then Kakashi felt the tears rolling down his own face as well, despite his hopes of hiding his own feelings behind the mask. "Iruka, is this really what you want?" he asked quietly, trying to recapture his calm.

The chuunin sat very still, forcing himself to just think about it for a moment. Of course, he'd already made his decision. He'd already told Genma that he wasn't going to be with him, and he'd done his best to get Genma and Raidou on the path to some form of reconciliation. All there was left to do was answer this one question for Kakashi, let him know that he truly was ready to be with him now, to he wanted it enough to work towards putting back together the love that had supported them both for the past few years.

He opened his mouth, and no words would come out. Instead, all that came were more tears, and he sat there staring at Kakashi, tears running down his face, for so long that his _perhaps-not-anymore- _lover gave in and simply took him in his arms, rocking a little.

"So," said Kakashi finally, once the darker man had seemed to calm a little. "What are we going to do, Iruka? Genma told you that you wanted to be with me, and you agreed with him, and came here with the decision already made to come back to me. And now, you can't say it's what you want. Am I supposed to keep waiting for you to make up your mind? Because I can do that, if you want me to, I can wait longer but… I won't lie to you and say I'll be happy with it."

Iruka shook his head against Kakashi's shoulder. "No, Kashi, I don't want you to wait for me. I don't think… I don't think it would do any good. Even if… Rai and Gen get back together, I don't want to come crawling back to you like some kind of runner-up. I'm hoping you can forgive me, because I really do care about you, really do love you, but… what you did for me, all of it, every single thing that has passed between us in the past three years, I don't want to spoil it all by doing something wrong for us both now. I'm never going to be ready to be with you in the way you want, to give myself to you without condition or restraint, and so we need to… end this."

Kakashi gave a slow nod and then pressed his masked lips into dark hair. He was surprised to find that he had no more tears to cry, that now that they had finally reached this point, he was ready to let go. _I'm not Genma, to hold on forever. I'm not Iruka, to spend my whole life hung up on one man. I am Kakashi, and this relationship will be just one more death to mourn, one more thing I had and lost, and I will cherish it for what it was. _"All right then, Iruka, we'll put an end to it," he said softly, the tone of his voice gentle and soothing. He didn't let go of Iruka, simply held him close and stroked his hair, giving him time to compose himself.

When the tears ran out, he didn't move, simply sat there letting himself be held by the very man he'd just given up. _Even now he is kind to me._ "Thank you, Kakashi." He spoke slowly, and moved even more slowly, gently disentangling himself and looking back so he could see the other shinobi's face. He found himself laughing, a strange desperate hysterical laugh, and finally choked out the exact words Kakashi had asked him already. "So, are you moving out or am I?"

Kakashi laughed as well, unable to resist the morose humor. "Me, for the moment. I don't really have a place to go yet, but I'm sure I can spend a few days with friends first, and then I'll find a place. I think you should probably move too, at some point, for your own sake. You don't want that place to become a haunted house for you like Genma's is for him."

Iruka nodded silently, not trusting his voice. He wanted to beg Kakashi to forget everything he'd just said, wanting to throw himself at the other man, but he didn't dare, because he knew it would just 

lead to more heartache for them both. And more than anything, he didn't want to hurt Kakashi anymore.

Kakashi hooked his fingers under his mask, and suddenly Iruka was faced with a very small, very tentative smile. Then Kakashi leaned forward and pressed his lips against Iruka's gently. "Iruka, love, I can't say that I'm not sad. And if you find yourself alone, and you want to come back to me… we'll talk, but you can't expect me to become what Genma used to be for you. I'll be your friend, maybe even your bed partner sometimes, if you feel you want that, but… I won't be your devoted cuddlebuddy who waits around for you to need him, okay?"

Another nod from Iruka, a few more tears sliding down the dark face. Then the sensei was standing, offering his hand to help Kakashi up. "No more of this. We've decided, and it's time to go. I'm going to… be out for a bit, so you can head… to the apartment and do whatever you need to do there."

Kakashi let himself be helped up, and then stood facing Iruka for a moment, holding onto his hand. "I'll be going then. Just… take care of yourself, Iruka. And if you ever need saving from yourself again… let me know. Whatever is or isn't between me or you or anyone else. Promise me that."

"I promise," said Iruka solemnly, and then added, "And you too, you know, if you ever need anything…" but Kakashi was already gone.

Kotetsu seemed carefree, buying drinks for friends that stopped by their table, cracking jokes, telling silly stories. His companion leaned back in his chair, chewing contently on a senbon, and just let himself be swept up in the tide. Later he would be impressed, thinking that this hadn't been the sort of forced cheerfulness one typically uses to try to cheer up friends, but instead a real ability to just have fun at any moment… but for right now he was simply enjoying. Izumo and Yori joined them after about an hour, after they had wrapped up the last of their work.

The little party seemed so merry, and when Raidou walked into the bar he froze for a second, seeing his… _ex, you can say it… _out having so much fun already after they had just broken up. Then his eyes scanned the little group again, and he realized whose face he wasn't seeing, and smiled a little. "I can do this," he told himself aloud, causing Anko beside him to smile encouragingly and grip his shoulder. "Thanks, Anko-chan. Just come say hi with me. Okay?" The kunoichi nodded, and they walked together toward the group.

Izumo, who was sitting on one side of Genma while Kotetsu sat on the other, reached out and grabbed Genma's arm, cocking his head. Genma looked up, pasted a smile on his face, and said, "Good evening, Raidou-san, Anko-san," in an awkward formal manner.

A look of confusion passed over Yori's pretty face, and she looked at Izumo, who mouthed "Tell you later," and then she spilled her drink, prompting laughter from the whole group. Some of the stiffness left Genma, and he found himself throwing one of his usual jibes in her direction, "Yori-chan, I know you're not much of a partier, but that's only your second drink!"

More laughter, and the blonde woman slouched in her chair and said, "Had a few drinks on the job, didn't you know? I'm aspiring to be like our lovely Hokage…"

Yet more laughter, but Raidou and Genma were looking at each other now across the chaos, and Genma pulled out his senbon and smiled shyly, and Raidou smiled back. When it was quiet enough to be heard, Raidou said, "We're on our way elsewhere actually, but I'll see you guys around." He paused, then smirked at Genma. "Hey, Gen, tell your boyfriend I'm sorry about his face."

Genma choked on his drink, then sputtered, "N-Not my boyfriend, and you're not sorry."

Raidou laughed, his question having been answered, waved, and linked his arm through Anko's, strolling out of the bar. Left behind, Genma gaped for a moment, and then Izumo was pressing a fresh drink into his hand, and he was downing it. "You're awfully nice for a weird little monkey," Genma said without thinking, and Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged glances around him, and suddenly all three collapsed into giggles and monkey noises, leaving Yori to eye them warily and consider escaping.


	2. Ch 13: Comfort, Definitely Served Warm

A/N: The sex in this chapter was completely unplanned. sighs But I like how it came out, and I'm glad I didn't try to force it to be something else. I am still writing this as a GenIru ending by the way, so don't be fooled by this! :P

Chapter 13: Comfort, Definitely Served Warm

It wasn't that Iruka wasn't used to sleeping alone. Of course he was used to it, Kakashi went on missions that kept him gone for days fairly often. But when he entered his apartment after almost three hours inside the training grounds basically just beating the shit out of everything in sight, a lot of Kakashi's things had been gone already, so already he knew there was no way he was going to get much sleep. He got ready for bed anyway, bathing and dressing in a pair of boxers, only to sit staring around the bedroom, already missing too many of Kakashi's marks on it.

"Just like that, everything ends," he whispered aloud to his empty room, wondering how many nights he would spent in his empty bed before he broke down and crawled off to one of his friends, because he sure as hell wasn't going to Genma's yet, not until he knew what was going on with Genma and Raidou.

Not even one, as it turned out. He couldn't even make himself get into the bed, too many memories there, too many nights of Kakashi's warm arms, their playfulness, the promises they'd made, the dreams they had built. He didn't regret his decision, quite, but he wasn't happy with it either. So he slipped a t-shirt and a pair of jeans on and headed out into the night, seeking solace elsewhere. He ended up outside the door to Kotetsu's apartment, a hand raised to knock when he realized the men inside were… busy, and turned to go without knocking.

Footsteps raced across the floor, and the door was jerked open to reveal the spiky-haired man wearing only a pair of boxers, and barely wearing those, for that matter, as they sat askew on his hips. He reached out and grabbed Iruka's ponytail as the sensei was turning to go, and Iruka stopped short, turning his head slightly into the pressure and grinning. "I didn't mean to interrupt, Tetsu."

The other man shrugged, not releasing his grip on the ponytail. He pulled, knowing his friend could easily escape if he wished, but knowing also that he wouldn't, and led Iruka into the apartment by his hair, pushing him towards the couch, where he landed a little heavily on Izumo, who lay there completely naked and still panting, flushed, and ready. Iruka blushed a little as the nude man simply wrapped his arms around him, drawing him close, not seeming to notice or care that he left a smear of precum across Iruka's jeans.

"So, why are you here instead of with Kakashi?" Kotetsu asked bluntly, standing and staring down at the two other men, feeling a little sympathetic about the obvious discomfort Iruka was feeling, but not quite enough to tell his partner to knock it off. _Ruka should know better than to show up here in the middle of the night and not expect us to at least fuck with his head, if not fuck him. Which might be a plan too, depending on what he has to say for himself._

Iruka sighed heavily, laying his head against Izumo's chest, suddenly grateful for the man's arms around him, forgetting already the awkwardness of his friend's nudity, the obvious sexual activity that he'd been engaged in when Iruka interrupted. It wasn't like they hadn't had sex themselves plenty of times over the years, anyway. "I broke it off with Kakashi. It wasn't something I planned. I went to meet him fully intending to beg him to stay with me, but when he asked me, flat-out, if I was sure it was what I wanted, I couldn't say anything."

He wasn't sure how to explain it further, how to say that he knew Genma wasn't sitting around waiting for him, knew that he was probably going to wind up alone, but that he wasn't willing to give Kakashi something less than what he...

It dawned on Iruka suddenly that it hadn't been Kakashi who said he wanted more, it had been Iruka who had insisted they not be together because he couldn't love him most of all, couldn't want him more than anything or anyone else. _Entirely my fault, when he was willing to settle for something less than perfect to be with me. _

Kotetsu ran a hand through his hair, and crossed the space between himself and the couch, sliding to the floor and reaching out to put a hand on the ponytailed head briefly. "You're such a mess, Iruka," he said softly, not quite sure how to even begin. The set of his jaw gave away his frustration, and he was relieved when Izumo's graceful hand snaked out from around Iruka and rested on his shoulder. "We barely just got home from keeping Genma busy, trying to cheer him up. The two of us, and Yori, and… when Raidou came by our table at the bar, Genma told him that you weren't his boyfriend. Raidou seemed pretty happy with that news." He didn't sugar-coat the words, because it wasn't his way. Iruka would face the mess he'd made, and Kotetsu and Izumo would be there to help, and that was all there was to it.

Iruka nodded, and turned his head so that he could see the man speaking to him, ignoring the fact that the new position resulted in Izumo withdrawing his hand from Kotetsu's shoulder and using it to flip Iruka's ponytail back and forth. "I knew they were going to still give things a try. Or rather, I hoped they were. I wanted to give them that chance. So... I don't want to tell Genma yet, though I'm sure considering his job, he'll know soon enough. Maybe if I…" but he couldn't really think of a way to keep it from his friend, protect him.

Izumo left off playing with Iruka's ponytail and slipped his arm under the edge of his friend's t-shirt, running his fingers along the skin in a gesture that he wasn't quite sure if he meant to be comforting or arousing. He really didn't know how to deal with any of this, was just happy that Iruka seemed to be comfortable with him, just wanted to find some way to make his friend feel better. He liked the weight of Iruka on top of him, the way it was almost but not quite familiar, it having been a while since they were really this close.

Kotetsu caught the movement and frowned a little, but didn't comment. "I think it would be easy enough to keep it from getting out, if you want. Kakashi will likely take another mission right away, to be 

honest, because that's how he deals. All you'd really have to do is stay away from Genma yourself, or at least don't talk to him about that situation, because you haven't told anyone other than us, right? And the only person Kakashi would likely tell is Naruto, if he sees him." He paused at that thought. "Naruto would probably come to you first, to check on you, before he started spreading things around."

"Naruto," Iruka breathed, realizing. "Oh no. He's going to be so upset with me, for fucking things up, for hurting Kakashi that way." He paused, considering. "But he'd still check in with me before he told anyone anything, even if it was just to bitch me out."

The obvious worry over Naruto's opinion was passed over for the moment, in favor of practicality. It was Izumo who spoke this time, looking down at the dark head resting on his bare skin, still stroking gently at the skin of Iruka's back just above his waistband. "Okay, so the most likely scenario is this: Kakashi went straight to Naruto tonight, because who else would he count on in such a situation? He's not that social a creature, and Genma would have at one point been his other likely retreat. So he went to Naruto tonight, will likely go try to find a mission first thing in the morning. Assuming he gets one, Naruto will come straight to you in the morning, trying to find out what's going on, see if you're okay, pound you, whatever. We dropped Genma off at home a couple hours ago, bombed enough that he'll likely just sleep, and get up late and go straight to… whatever the hell it is you guys do. You go to work, or don't, and let the next time you see Genma just happen naturally, whenever it does. Which would probably mean your first mission desk shift, but if you like, we can run interference for you there too."

The man sitting in the floor raised his eyebrows a little, impressed. "Yes, that's probably about right. By the time Genma finds out, as long as we can keep things quiet for a few days, he should have had time to at least consider how things are going to go with Raidou, if anything happens at all there. But…" He paused, not sure if he should ask, when his friend seemed so confident.

His partner picked up on the unspoken question. He put both his hands on Iruka's shoulders and gently guided the man away from him, so that he could sit up, only to maneuver so they sat side by side and wrap his arms around the other man, pulling his head around by the chin to make their eyes meet, their faces just a few inches apart.. "Iruka, I know that you want what is best for everyone else, but are you sure you want to take the risk of losing Genma this way? If you went to him now, he'd take you back, you know that. Don't hurt yourself more than you have to, Ruka, it's not healthy to play the martyr this way."

Deep brown eyes closed, and Iruka reached his hand up between himself and Izumo to swipe the hair from his friend's eyes. "Zumo, I know… that it seems that way. I'm not playing the martyr here, I promise. I just want to make sure that Genma does what's best for him, and honestly I don't want to become like Raidou, to walk around wondering if Genma is thinking about him all the time, about what might have been. I'd rather wait it out, and see what happens, and if I wind up alone… then that's okay too. I promise, I won't go off the deep end again, I won't hide, I won't isolate myself, no matter what happens."

Kotetsu sat in the floor, watching as Iruka ran his hand over Izumo's face, placed a soft kiss to his lips, a 

silent _thank you for caring about me, _then pulled back a bit, running a hand down Izumo's bare skin, from the scar on his neck all the way down to his thigh, resting there. A small smile came to Kotetsu's lips, and he realized that maybe Izumo had the right idea after all, was offering the sort of comfort Iruka could accept. He stood slowly from his position on the floor, and the two men both turned to follow the movement, as if remembering his presence. He smiled and dropped a kiss on his partner's forehead, gently, and then another one to Iruka's cheek. "I'm going to bed, loves, feel free to join me when you're ready," he said softly.

Iruka watched his friend go, then turned back to Izumo, smiling crookedly at him. "We should probably just go join him," he said softly, not wanting to cause some kind of trouble.

Izumo shrugged. "He said 'when we're ready'." He took a moment to think about it, to try to explain his sometimes lover and always best friend's position. "He does well at being the friend you drink with when you're upset, the one that tells jokes and cheers you up and is just happy with you. And you know he can play, when he wants to, but this… if you want comfort of a physical sort, that's a little too emotional for him. That side of him isn't something he's willing to give, even for you."

Iruka thought about it for a moment, considered just going and sliding into bed beside Kotetsu anyway, letting the two of them hold him for the rest of the night as they had done so many times before, linking hands across his body in the old familiar way. Or perhaps leaving, and going home to his empty bed, and letting his friends get back to what they'd been doing before he showed up. But Izumo was looking at him, with that familiar softness in his eyes, so he nodded instead. "But you can?" he asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

The younger of the two friends smiled. "You know I always have been able to. " He stood and held out a hand to Iruka. "If you want, we can go to the guest bedroom. More comfortable than the couch. Just don't let me fall asleep there. And don't even think about going home, if Tetsu doesn't get his Ruka snuggles, we'll both be in trouble." His easy grin took the edge off the words, but he meant them too, wanting to make sure Iruka understood the terms, as always.

Iruka nodded again, and took the hand offered him, letting the graceful shinobi lead the way. His eyes roamed over the naked body before him as they walked down the hallway, and he wondered suddenly what Kakashi would say, what Genma would say, about him crawling off and into someone else's bed so soon. _But you learned this from the best, how sex can be fun, can be loving, can be comforting, can exist among friends or lovers equally, you learned from Genma himself to separate one kind of touch from another, to let yourself enjoy without falling too far too fast. Even once you weren't together anymore, he taught you, offered himself up when you needed him even just for the night, before Kakashi._

So when Izumo flopped down onto the guest room bed and crooked his finger at him, smiling, Iruka stripped out of his clothing and slipped into the bed with his friend, leaning over him and kissing him soundly. The younger man made a surprised noise at the eagerness, then deepened the kiss smoothly, running one hand down Iruka's back while the other drew little circles on the sensitive spot at the back of his neck, knowing his friend's body well.

Skin against skin, gentle, comforting. One kiss came after another, links in a chain of events that would lead Iruka to some kind of resting place, he knew. Izumo's hands were always gentle, had always been gentle, even when they were younger and he'd only touched Iruka after one too many drinks, before they had realized it was okay for them to play and still be friends, and Kotetsu didn't care, and would sometimes even play too. Iruka relished the soft touch now, but kept his eyes open, making sure he didn't forget who this was, what this was, not willing to let himself slip into the memory of Genma's hands on him so recently, Kakashi's before their world was turned upside down. There was nothing but Izumo, nothing but friendship and comfort and this moment.

Izumo smiled up at the man above him, arching his back and pressing his hips into him. "You can take me if you want, Iruka. I know we normally don't play that way, but I'd like that from you tonight, if it's okay."

Iruka raised his eyebrows. It was very rare for Izumo to offer such a thing, the man tending to prefer other types of sex to actual penetration, especially when with someone other than Kotetsu. For a moment Iruka wondered if it was being offered up out of pity, but there was lust in Izumo's eyes, and so he merely nodded. "Of course, I can do that," he replied, leaning down to capture his friend's soft lips again.

When Iruka pulled away to breathe again, Izumo pointed to the nightstand. "Lube, top drawer. "

The "let's get to business" tone made Iruka frown a little, but a hand reached out to skim across his cheek. "Shh, don't worry, I'm not rushing you really. Just thought we'd get that out of the way, so we have it when we're ready for it, okay?" So Iruka disentangled himself and reached over to retrieve the bottle, and then let it fall onto the bed. He slid back up Izumo's body, and whispered, "Thank you" softly in his ear before nibbling and sucking at the lobe gently, settling himself back over the other man's body so they were flush against each other, and he could feel the man's heart beating against his own chest, his belly firm under Iruka's own, his erection nestled into Iruka's hip, where if he moved just a little… but he didn't, merely let himself focus for a moment on all the places where their bodies met already, enjoying.

Finally it was Izumo who shifted, pulling his ear free from Iruka's mouth before he could be marked, forgiving his friend for forgetting that wasn't acceptable even as he moved to avoid it. He shifted his thigh against the more muscular one above it, then angled his hips a little, so that his erection slid against the other man's. He was tempted to take back what he had said before and just press his body against Iruka's until he came, recapture that hot mouth and just slide his body against the darker stronger one until he couldn't take any more, but instead he offered up, "Please, now?"

Iruka didn't reply, simply moved, positioning himself on the bed on his knees next to the long lean form, reaching out to pop open the bottle and coat one hand with lube, then carefully parting Izumo's thighs and positioning himself between them. He reached out with a single finger to swirl around the other man's entrance gently, but the look on his friend's face wasn't all that patient, so he slipped the digit in carefully, sliding it gently around until the nod came that told him to add another, simply watching the other man for the silent commands he knew Izumo would give him. Doing this with Izumo meant being 

absolutely ready to obey, because the man was always in complete control when he was on the bottom, and it made Iruka smile, felt nice to be able to let himself just feel.

It didn't take long before Izumo was giving him the final nod, reaching down and grabbing Iruka's arm, stopping the movements of his hand. The sensei let himself be pulled up his friend's body, positioned himself against the stretched hole carefully, and waited again, pushing in slowly when the other man winked at him, treasuring the smile on that face. He leaned further over Izumo's body, choosing closeness over freedom of movement, grinning when as expected the other man's long legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him even closer.

"Now, please," Izumo said again, quietly, lifting his hips and pulling forward with his legs to drive the intruding cock all the way into himself. His eyes were soft as they looked up at Iruka, but he knew his friend wouldn't mistake the expression to mean something it didn't, never had misunderstood before. He set the pace by tapping a rhythm with his left hand on Iruka's back, insistent, and Iruka let himself be instructed, as always. Izumo had missed this, when Iruka was with Kakashi, because his old friend was one of only two people he trusted for this, though he wouldn't have admitted the number was that low to the man's face, again in the interest of avoiding some sort of misunderstanding.

Slow and gentle and sweet. Iruka would have called it making love, perhaps, if he didn't know better. But he did know better, and so he didn't call it anything, just rained soft kisses down on Izumo , ran his hands over his warm skin, and let himself be lost in his friend's body. They were silent, save for a few soft moans, and when Iruka came it was with a quiet grunt, nothing more. He rested for a moment before slipping out and sliding his way down Izumo's body, sliding his mouth onto the other man's erection almost agonizingly slowly until his friend arched and came. He didn't swallow, instead leaned up to kiss Izumo, sharing the come between them, because it was what Izumo wanted, always, why Izumo didn't let him touch his cock at all while inside him.

They lay still for only a moment, the salty bitter kiss over, and then Iruka was standing, pulling the younger man up and off the bed with him. "Come on, let's not keep Tetsu waiting," he said softly, and Izumo nodded. They didn't even bother cleaning up first, simply walked across the hallway and into Kotetsu's bedroom. Izumo laughed a little, thinking about the fact that most people would find it strange that he was crawling into his lover's bed to sleep with his friend's come still dribbling down his thighs, but it didn't matter, because he pressed Iruka into the spot between himself and Kotetsu, and reached out for Kotetsu's hand, and it was offered up readily, without hesistation, as Kotetsu murmured, "Night, Zumo. Night, Ruka." And the three men slept, Iruka's heart blessedly empty of regret for the moment.


	3. Ch 14: The Monkeys Rebel

Chapter 14: The Monkeys Rebel

Iruka started his day with breakfast at Kotetsu's and Izumo's, and that was nice. Izumo went off to inform both the mission room and the Academy that Iruka would be unavailable that day, and Kotetsu insisted on keeping him company for a while. They walked arm-in-arm through the streets of Konoha for a bit, just making random small talk, before Kotetsu finally said, "What are you going to do, other than just wait for Genma and Raidou to figure things out for themselves?"

The sensei shrugged. "I figure tomorrow I'll start thinking about places to live. Kakashi suggested I move, and after the way I felt last night in that apartment, I think it's going to have to happen sooner rather than later. So there will be that to deal with. Other than that, I figure I'll work tomorrow, and regardless of what is going on between us, I need to help Genma clean out his house, when he's ready for that."

The younger man gave Iruka a strange look, and then sighed. "I still think you're going to regret it if you don't actually fight for what you want here."

Iruka turned on his heel and grabbed his old friend in a crushing hug. "I know you do, Tetsu, and I'm glad you care, but please just do this for me." He didn't let go even when he felt Kotetsu's head nodding against his, in fact didn't move at all until he realized they were standing in the middle of the street acting like idiots. Again. Laughter escaped his lips, and he spun the man in his arms around before letting him go.

Kotetsu shook his head, but laughed as well. "Are you going to be okay for a while, Iruka? I should really get to work, but I can get Yori to go in early and cover for me if you like."

The other chuunin considered it for just a moment and then shook his head. "No need for that. I think I'll do some shopping, just relax. Is it okay if I bum around your place later today, though?"

"My home is your home, anytime you need it," Kotetsu said softly, seriously, before taking off down the street. His friend watched him go, smiling, and thought once again about why he would never let his old friends out of his life again, whatever people said about their place in the primate family tree.

It was two hours into his window shopping therapy when he made "the find" that had him laughing and crying all at once. There, hanging right in the front window of a clothing store, was an updated version of the old "Deadly Sweet" shirt. The lettering was a little different, the art style a little more cartoonish, but there was the same old box of the candy, the same skull-and-crossbones, the same slogan. He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, barely avoided a rather confused shopper coming out the door as he bolted inside, and bought one, just like that, without giving himself time to think about whether he really needed that kind of nostalgia right now.

He carried the package reverently through the streets, winding his way back to Kotetsu's apartment, and sat staring at the t-shirt for almost an hour before putting the thing on, standing and looking at himself in the mirror, a mischievous glint in his eye. It was strange to see it on himself at this age, strange to look back over half his life to the person he had been when he first managed to get Genma's attention, but… it felt good more than it felt bad. Still, he took it off and replaced it with a borrowed one of Kotetsu's 

before making his way back out of the apartment, through the streets of Konoha, waiting for a signal so that he could go see Naruto.

The senbon shinobi slipped through the door of the mission room later than he would have liked, took up one of his favorite spots in the corner, and smiled gratefully when Kotetsu appeared next to him with coffee and aspirin. "Thanks for taking me out last night, and for this," he said, taking his senbon out of his mouth long enough to pop the pills and gulp coffee, then sliding it back between his teeth.

The younger man gave him a huge smile, but inside he was wondering if Genma would be quite so grateful if he knew the secret Kotetsu was keeping from him, if he knew just who had slept in Kotetsu's bed last night, even if Kotetsu himself hadn't touched Iruka. He merely accepted the thanks and stood next to Genma, keeping his body carefully between the other man and the door, because he expected Kakashi to be by any moment, to check in again if he'd been assigned a mission.

He had, and Kotetsu had instructed Yori to get him the information and get him on his way as soon as possible. She'd agreed, in exchange for the gossip about what was going on, at which point she'd pursed her lips, said something about men being idiots, and washed her hands of them all. But she'd do her part because she had already promised, and that was enough for him. He managed to get Genma talking, and waited until he saw the silver-haired shinobi come and go before he excused himself from the other man's company, leaving him with a reminder that he would help with the house-cleaning plan still.

Kotetsu figured he'd interrogate Yori later, find out how Kakashi had seemed to be doing. He hoped the man was okay. Again his own mixed feelings came up, because the whole situation was just wrong. He'd been so happy for Kakashi and Iruka over the past few years, so excited when he saw Iruka becoming more stable, when Kakashi started actually being more social. But he remembered the old days too… Genma and Iruka everywhere together, always wanting more of each other, always walking in the same space as if they belonged together, were naturally a part of each other. Even though they'd rubbed each other the wrong way sometimes, been too intense, eventually had to break up, the image of Genma and Iruka together was seared into Kotetsu's mind. He sighed, wishing he hadn't agreed to help Iruka keep his secret, because even though he genuinely liked Raidou, he didn't see how it was really fair to the big man or to Genma not to give Genma a proper chance to make a choice.

He made his way into the file room and slumped against the wall, looking over to where Izumo was putting away mission reports. "Hey, Zumo, I think we have to tell Genma the truth," he said softly.

The other man reached up with one hand and pushed the hair out of his eyes, and then pulled it right back, a typical nervous gesture for him. "Yeah, I know," he replied. "I feel bad about it, because we did tell Iruka we would keep help him, even came up with elaborate plans to make sure Genma didn't find out, but… it's not fair to anyone, really."

"Maybe I should tell him, and you should pretend you don't know I did," Kotetsu offered, remembering how Iruka and Izumo had looked at each other the previous night before he'd left them alone, and not wanting to ruin that for his friends.

Izumo shook his head. "Nope, if we do it, we're in it together. Like always. I'm willing to piss off Ruka to do the right thing, and because he_ is _Ruka, he'll forgive us once he realizes that we had his, and everyone else's, best interests at heart. In fact, why don't you let me do the talking when it comes to Genma? I have a few things I'd like to say to him anyway." Kotetsu raised an eyebrow at that last part, but nodded, and offered Izumo a kiss for luck as his partner left the file room.

Yori had tried her best to keep her manner professional and impassive while dealing with Kakashi, though what she really wanted was to jump up and hug the man. They weren't friends, exactly, but her close association with Iruka had made them something more than acquaintances, and honestly she wished things had worked out better between the two men. Once he was gone, she channeled chakra into her foot and stomped down hard on a chakra tag that rested beneath her desk, then ground her foot in as if trying to drive the thing through the floor. If what Kotetsu had told her about the tag was true, right about now Iruka would be learning her current opinion of him.

Suddenly a wave of chakra hit the ponytailed chuunin, and he was knocked to the ground, falling flat on his face. "I am going to kill that woman," he whispered as soon as he had his breath back, rubbing his head and sitting up. But he had gotten his signal, if a little more enthusiastically than he'd expected, so he turned and headed towards Naruto's apartment, walking slowly in case Kakashi had stopped back by there for anything before leaving on his mission.

The blond teenager was waiting for him, outside the building, just leaning against the wall. "Right on time," he said with a smirk, walking by Iruka and linking their arms together, leading the sensei off in another direction, towards their favorite training grounds.

"I didn't know I was expected," Iruka replied, trying not to stumble with the sudden change of directions.

Naruto laughed bitterly. "Come on, Iruka-sensei, we both knew you'd be here as soon as Kakashi-sensei vacated. Come to ask how he is doing, or just to get your beating over with?" The way he clung to Iruka's arm belied the words, cutting the harshness a little.

The older man's voice was soft as he replied, "How is he? I didn't mean to… I really planned to… it was…" Then he straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath before starting over. "I wasn't fair to him, and I know that. He seemed to take it so well yesterday, but I was worried, and I knew it would only make things worse for me to come talk to him myself. Please let me know how he's doing."

Naruto nodded thoughtfully, impressed by his sensei's ability to admit that he'd been wrong. "He's not happy, of course. He'll keep himself busy for a while, but he'll survive. I just wish he had someone to turn to, because honestly he can't open up to me the way he'd like to, for obvious reasons." He 

indicated their linked arms with a tip of his head. "I plan to go speak to Gai-sensei today at some point, to make sure he knows what's going on, and see that when Kakashi gets back from his mission, he'll be ready to step in and distract him for a while or something. It's about the best I can do for him right now."

Iruka nodded, though he was wishing that Kakashi had a real friend to go to, not just a rival. While the long-standing rivalry between the two Jounin did probably amount to a friendship, he couldn't see Kakashi crying on Gai's shoulder in a way that he might have with his own friends. He felt a little guilty for having what he had, for having the support system that Kakashi didn't, but there wasn't really anything he could do. _Too late to feel guilty now. All I can do is carry on, hope for the best, and do whatever I can for Kakashi once he and I are both ready to be friends._

"And you? I peeked in at Shiranui's last night after Kakashi-sensei was asleep, but you weren't there. Nor were you at your place. It's not really my business but…" Naruto shook his head, and then tightened his hold on Iruka's arm. "Actually it is, because you're my friend and I was worried about you."

As always, Naruto's straightforward manner made his ex-sensei smile. "I stayed at Kotetsu's last night, with him and Izumo. Couldn't face the empty bed," he said with a shrug, unashamed.

Naruto made a strange expression, a mixture of relief and annoyance, and then realized something didn't sound right there. "So, wait, you're not…?"

"With Genma? No."

Naruto shook his head. "Never mind. I don't want to hear any more about it. You and Kakashi are through, he's upset, you're upset, you're sleeping in other people's beds while he sleeps on my couch, whatever. Maybe Hinata-chan can explain to me tonight why people fuck their lives up that badly, because honestly I don't have a clue, and here I was part of one of the most messed-up love triangles around. But I came out okay, and I can only hope Kakashi-sensei will too." His blue eyes looked up at his beloved sensei's face for a long moment, torn between anger over the pain this man was causing, sympathy for the pain he was in, and the love for him that could simply never be destroyed. "Come on, let's go get some training in, and then we'll have ramen, okay?"

Izumo took a deep breath to steel his nerves before he approached his prey. He had to get this just right, had to be absolutely sure of what he was saying, not only for Iruka's sake, but for Genma's. So he turned it over and over in his mind as he crossed the floor, and then leaned against the wall next to Genma casually. "You haven't had lunch yet, have you?"

Genma raised an eyebrow. The events of the past few days had made him a little less suspicious of Kotetsu and Izumo than usual, but there was something in the younger man's demeanor, a kind of nervousness that made Genma nervous in return. "No, I haven't," he replied after a moment.

Izumo nodded, smiling slightly. "Come with me? I'll buy. And maybe if you're really nice I'll show you the pictures I took of you smashed off your ass last night."

Genma laughed a little at that. "Come on, Izumo, surely you don't think you could blackmail me. Half the town has pictures of me in some compromising position or whatever, and I've gladly shown off such pictures myself. A little too much drink and some less-than-graceful dancing isn't much to speak of."

A satisfied smile spread across the younger man's lips. "Point taken. Come to lunch with me anyway." He didn't give Genma time to respond, just turned around and started walking, his smile widening when the other man followed him out, continued to follow him down the street to a cozy restaurant, where he ordered an assortment of foods without asking Genma what he wanted.

"That sounds like a lot for lunch," the older shinobi pointed out finally, wondering again just what was up. Was Izumo trying to cheer him up over Iruka going back to Kakashi? Had he heard something from Raidou that Genma hadn't? Or maybe Kakashi and Iruka had agreed that there wouldn't be any contact at all between Iruka and Genma, and Izumo had been the unlucky schmuck enlisted to break it to him? He tried to keep his thoughts hidden, but his eyes were sad as they met the darker ones of the man across from him.

"I'm hungry, and you don't eat enough," Izumo replied with a shrug. He didn't say anything further until the food arrived, simply sat sipping the tea that the waitress brought them, and waited. Once the food was set before them, he started putting little bits of everything onto his place with great focus, ate the entire plateful, and then leveled his eyes on Genma again seriously. "Kotetsu lied to you," he began, none-too-subtly.

Genma looked up from his own plate, surprised. "Kotetsu has said a lot of things to me lately, more than in years before that. So which of these was a lie?" His voice had a slight edge to it, and he clenched his fist a little, not happy with the idea that someone who had been treating him like a friend could be lying to him.

Izumo didn't flinch from the tone, merely sat looking calmly at the other man. "Iruka told us to let you believe that he had gone back to Kakashi, and that all was going to be well with them, because he knew that Raidou was probably going to be willing to give you a second chance, if you cleaned up your act a bit and stopped acting so obsessed. We both disagreed with him from the beginning, because we want our friend to be happy, but he insisted that it would be unfair of him to come crawling back to you after having told you that he wouldn't. We agreed because Iruka asked it of us, and we've never denied him anything."

Genma set his chopsticks down carefully, and sat thinking for a long moment. "So you're saying that Ruka isn't with Kakashi, but didn't want me to know?"

Izumo nodded. "Yesterday, after he left your house, he went to meet Kakashi, and he had every intention of being with him. But when the time came to say so, he couldn't do it. So he and Kakashi called it quits already."

"And you two knew that already last night when we went out for drinks?" Genma asked, his voice shaking a bit with anger.

"No," Izumo replied steadily. "Think about it. Kotetsu went with you to have drinks directly after Iruka left, and Yori and I joined you straight from work. We hadn't seen Iruka then. He came to us in the middle of the night last night, lonely and a little confused over his own actions. I don't know much more than that…" _because I was busy letting him drown his sorrow in my body. _The thought brought on a slight blush, but Izumo ignored it and kept speaking. "I reported him sick to work today, and as far as I know, his plans for the day were to see Naruto."

Again Genma took a moment just to let things soak in. His hand trembled a little as he reached out for his cup of tea, torn by too many emotions. The days since Raidou had left him had been full of both too much sorrow and too much hope, and he simply couldn't take any more of either at the moment. He ate silently for a while, playing Izumo's silence game right back at him. "If I thought you would listen, I would tell you to not let on to Iruka that you told me this. I think there's nothing I can do for now, I'm simply too worn out for any more drama."

The smile that graced Izumo's face was affectionate and slightly sad. "I won't tell Iruka, actually. Unless you are going to do something, the information won't do him any good. I'll go back to work, and when that's done, I'll go back to Kotetsu's instead of spending the night at my place like I had planned, and we'll do whatever we can for Iruka, just like we always do."

Brushing his hair out of his eyes with one hand, Izumo reached out and caught hold of Genma's hand with the other. "You taught us that, Genma, continuing to pick him back up when he had already given up, when we had already given up on him, and we'll never give up on him again. Nor will we ever cease to be grateful to you. Whatever choices you or Iruka or anyone else makes when it comes to sex or love, you always have friends in Kotetsu and me. Or pet monkeys. Or whatever you want to call us."

Surprised by the touch, and the emotional outburst, Genma gave a nervous laugh. "Thank you." He felt a bit trapped, his chest too tight, too many things to think about.

Izumo, ever observant of such things, let go of the hand he was holding, and gave a slight bow. "Excuse me, Genma-san, but I have to get back to work. Thank you for joining me for lunch." He stood without further comment, and left, pausing on the way out to settle the bill, leaving Genma sitting at the table quietly sipping tea, and refusing to plan anything past the sudden renewed urge to clean.


	4. Ch 15: Hurt Me

Chapter 15: Hurt Me

The cleaning party had been intended to be, well, sort of a party. Genma had invited several of his friends, figuring that they'd play some music, bring some food and drink, and manage to have some fun with it. Kotetsu showed up early, alone, wanting to be sure that Genma was ready before Iruka came by, that he still knew what the plan was in terms of what to tell Iruka. As far as he knew, Genma and Iruka hadn't actually spoken since the day Iruka left Genma's house, over a week ago. Kotetsu himself had passed messages back and forth a time or two, but for the most part, it seemed they'd both been trying to give things time to calm down for the moment.

To say Kotetsu was frustrated with them was an understatement. He didn't mind that Iruka had been staying at his apartment, nor that Genma had been sort of a needy friend, constantly asking if he could stop by and bugging him more and more often at work. None of those things were really an issue for Kotetsu, because he was a generous friend, and he liked the extra company sometimes too. What was frustrating him was that both of them were so damned unhappy, when they didn't really have to be. Genma hadn't even spoken to Raidou yet, and Iruka still believed that Genma didn't know about his breakup with Kakashi, and hadn't done anything to change that. He wanted to just beat the shit out of both of them, or maybe just tie them up and make them face each other. He was nervous about this "party", not only because he knew the cleaning process itself was going to be difficult for Genma, but because there was probably going to be some awkwardness between Iruka and Genma. And Kakashi if he showed up, though that was very unlikely. But the last he'd heard, Anko meant to show, despite the fact that she'd been at Raidou's side through the whole mess.

The frustration abated a bit when he was met by a more-cheerful-than-expected Genma, but came back full force when Genma insisted on still saying nothing to Iruka, on waiting until this at least was over, and then giving it consideration. "Just get it over with!" Kotetsu wanted to growl, but instead he merely nodded, and set about cleaning.

Iruka got out of the shower and toweled off, then walked through Kotetsu's apartment naked, Izumo looking up from the couch as he walked through. "Might want to wear some clothes," the younger man noted, and smiled when a brown hand reached out to smack him upside the head. He stood and followed Iruka into the guest bedroom, where most of his things seemed to have migrated over the past few days. Once there, he lounged on the bed and watched his friend dress.

Iruka dressed himself in tattered jeans and a t-shirt that said "Hurt Me" on it, which brought laughter from his audience. "Well, I might as well admit it hurts," Iruka said with a shrug.

Izumo nodded, understanding the logic of that. He waited while Iruka put his hair up, then stood and slipped his arms around his friend from behind, looking at them both in the mirror as he spoke softly to his old friend. "You know, Kakashi was invited, though I don't know if he'll show up. He is back from his mission though, and if he shows up, there's no question anymore of whether Genma will know you're not together. And even if he doesn't… I know this will hurt either way. You sure you're up to it?"

Iruka leaned back into his friend's touch, letting himself be comforted for a moment, before he straightened again. "Yeah, I'm ready. Genma really needs this, and I think I really need it too. Just make sure I don't bring home too much of my old stuff, okay?"

Izumo smiled. "Well, seeing as you don't ever seem to go home these days, I don't think that will be a problem. If you try to bring too much stuff back to Tetsu's, he'll stop you himself. We're already occupying his space with two extra bodies lately."

The older chuunin suddenly turned to look at his friend, reaching out to wrap his own arms around Izumo's waist. "What's up with that, anyways? How often do you normally stay here, if you weren't busy taking care of your whiny post-breakup friend?"

The comment was met with a laugh and a shrug. "Not for longer than a couple of nights in a row at least. Whatever people might say about Tetsu and I, we're not… " Izumo paused, not sure how to explain.

Iruka waved it away. "Yeah, I don't think there are really words for whatever Tetsu and you are. I've always just kind of accepted it being undefined and figured you'd let me know if I stepped on anyone's toes with my behavior."

"That's what I love about you, Iruka, " Izumo replied, pulling his friend closer and placing a kiss in the corner of his mouth. "So, yeah, I would normally have been long since out of here, but I wasn't going to leave you hanging. And you could always come by my place, but it's not as comfortable, and I figured you'd rather have us both around anyway. Besides, if we'd been at my place, you wouldn't have made it to work yesterday morning."

Iruka gave a little laugh. "Mmm, definitely need Kotetsu to keep us in line. You would have let me drink straight through until morning."

The mischievous _monkey_ grinned. "Well, really, Iruka, how do you expect me to stop plying you with drinks when you dance like that?" His expression grew serious for a moment. "I hope you're actually managing to get something out of this partying. I'd hate to think that we're ultimately making things worse for you right now, but you seem okay." He wanted to say more, that he wanted to get the fun in while he had time, because he had a mission that would take him away for a few days at least, and he wouldn't be there for Iruka then. But he let it go for now, because he didn't want to upset his friend before the "party" that he knew would be hard on the man anyway. "Come on, speaking of partying, we have a cleaning party to get to."

Iruka nodded and they set about finishing getting ready, Iruka's mind already spinning with thoughts of what it would feel like to see Genma, knowing that Genma didn't know, would know soon if Kakashi chose to make an appearance. He wanted to hide, bury himself in Kotetsu's bed and let Izumo go without him, tell Genma he was sick or something. Instead he put one foot in front of the other, resolutely, until he reached the front door of the house that still bore his mark everywhere. He raised his hand to knock, and then found he simply couldn't do it, but was too awkward about just letting himself 

in. Izumo sighed, gave a rueful grin, and then knocked on the door himself, standing just in front of Iruka, as if shielding him a little from his own fear. "Come on in!" came the call from inside, and Izumo turned the doorknob and held the door open for his companion, who walked past him and inside.

The scarf was still hanging on the hook, and Iruka wondered if it too would be moved eventually, or if it would wait until the owner of the brightly colored item came back to reclaim it. He reached out and ran a finger over it, just as he had the first time he'd noticed it abandoned there. Izumo rolled his eyes at the gesture. "You know, if Genma goes back to Raidou just because he thinks he can't have you, you won't really be doing Rai any favors," he whispered, in a harsh tone that Iruka would have almost thought worthy of Kotetsu. Then he walked off down the hallway, without looking back.

Iruka stood for a long moment staring at the scarf, and then shook his head. "I already made my decision," he whispered aloud. For all the he wanted to be with Genma, it meant more to him to give Raidou a chance, because… "I've thought about myself too much already. Time to think about someone else."

The step into the living room was hard, and he took it with his eyes closed, not caring if his friends saw and laughed at his foolishness. He opened them to find Genma seated on the leather couch, sorting through a box and trying desperately to look comfortable. He thought he was fine until the honey-haired man looked up and met his eyes, smiling around the senbon in his mouth and raising a hand in a silent wave, and then suddenly Iruka felt like he was falling. But he smiled anyway, because he had promised to help, and they needed his input anyway, because far too many of the things here were his still, even if he had cleaned out his room.

_That's the smile. I want to tell him to go away if he's going to come into my home and smile at me that way, that fucking lie of a smile, like the lie he's telling me still. _Genma knew he was lying to himself as well though, because what the smile really made him want to do was go take Iruka in his arms and comfort him. This wasn't the time, however, and it wasn't like Iruka had shown up alone. From what Kotetsu had said, Iruka had been holed up in his apartment since that first night after he left Genma's, so he hadn't ever really had to be alone.

"Hurt me?" he said softly, after just looking at his old love for a long moment.

Iruka answered with nothing more than a shrug, not quite trusting his voice yet. He waved to Kotetsu, who had apparently taken a break, because at the moment he was sitting in the corner with Izumo lounging next to him. Kotetsu waved back, and then gave Iruka the exit he needed. "I found some of your things that you should look through already, actually. Been just putting them aside. Why don't I show you?" He stood and walked past Iruka out into the hall, and Iruka gave Genma one last wistful look and then turned on his heel and followed.

It was an oddly quiet affair for the first hour, for all that they had called it a "party." But Anko brought the party with her when she came, slinging around bags of food and drink, cranking up the music, and generally proving she didn't intend to do any real work. Still, Genma greeted her enthusiastically, happy that she had chosen to show up, considering she was pretty upset with both him and Iruka over Raidou, 

and rightfully so. Her presence proved invaluable though, because she would say "You don't need it," with just the right amount of harshness any moment there was hesitation, any time it was possible Genma was going to do something to jeopardize himself. Genma found himself smiling at her, wanting to thank her, but she merely reached out and set a fist on his head, lightly.

More and more things were piling up on the lawn, furniture and random household items, and more and more of them were getting dragged away, given away, hauled off to be disposed of. It was afternoon when Iruka found himself taking a break, slipping off alone to sit on the cushions in Genma's favorite space, slowly sipping a beer and trying to keep his head straight. He'd nearly burst into tears when Izumo had claimed his favorite armchair, the one that used to sit in his room. Iruka knew why, knew he couldn't have it, but it had felt like _his_, not Genma's. He had even tried to tell Izumo it would go better at Kotetsu's place, but Kotetsu had shaken his head gravely. "As long as you're staying with me, it'd be just the same as you keeping it." And Iruka had hung his head in defeat, and walked away.

"You okay?" came the soft voice, and he looked up to see the man leaning against the wall, honey-colored hair falling free, lips wrapped around thin metal as always.

"You'd think I'd be asking you that," the younger man said slowly, before taking another sip off his drink. He studied the other man's features, the curl of his lip, the pose that seemed a boneless sprawl even though he was standing. Iruka wasn't sure whether to move, whether he was ready to be alone with his friend yet, with his first love, his ultimate temptation. Then Genma laughed, and came to sit beside him, and he was only Genma again, and it was okay.

"I thought you were going to lose it back there," Genma said quietly, obviously concerned.

The chuunin gave a little shrug, wiping one callused hand over his forehead, not caring that it left smudges of dust in its wake. "Yeah, I guess I'm taking this kind of hard. But you have to do it, for your own sake, I know that. I can leave if I'm making things harder on you," he offered, without looking at the other man.

_Just tell me the damn truth. I want to hear it from you. _Instead, however, Genma said, "No, it's fine. I take it Kakashi decided he wasn't coming?" he prompted hopefully.

"I… don't know. He might be by later," Iruka said honestly, having not talked to Kakashi and therefore not knowing his plans. As much as he wanted to see the jounin, he really hoped that he didn't show up, because he just wasn't ready to have Genma know where things stood yet. Not until Genma talked to Raidou, and maybe if they made it through today Iruka should try pushing Raidou in Genma's direction, though he wasn't quite sure how he'd accomplish that.

Genma let out a little sigh, disappointed, and crossed the space between them to sit beside Iruka. He sat just looking at the other man for a long moment, and then stretched out on the cushions and closed his eyes, basking in his friend's presence even while letting the silence, and the lie, stretch between them.

Movement at the door to the room caused Iruka to look up from his beer, and his eyes widened when he saw who stood there. "Kakashi," he said softly, which caused Genma's eyes to fly open as well. "Hi," 

Iruka added quietly, even as Genma sat up and scooted away from him, as if he'd been caught doing something wrong.

Kakashi's eyebrows flew up at the movement, and he shook his head. Naruto had told him everything when he'd come home from his mission, how Iruka had been staying at Kotetsu's, how apparently Iruka didn't want Genma to know that he wasn't still with Kakashi. The sheer idiocy of the whole mess made Kakashi want to throttle someone, but instead he simply stood there in the doorway and waved, putting on a happy face that didn't come quite as hard as he thought it would.

"Hi, Iruka," Kakashi replied cheerily, before crossing to where Genma sat and clapping the older man on the back. "I just wanted to stop by and let you know everything was cool between us, though I can't stay. I'm glad that you're getting your life in order, and if you find you need anything, just let me know, okay?" He stood for just a moment like that, moving his hand to rest on Genma's shoulder, and then when the other man only nodded at him, he turned to walk away.

"Kashi," Iruka said softly, standing and crossing the room to catch the man before he could leave.

Kakashi shook his head gravely, but when he turned, he was smiling again. "I'll see you later, Iruka. And don't worry, we'll work things out. Soon, I promise you." He waved cheerfully, and decided that walking away would just mean probably getting stopped again, so he utilized a teleportation jutsu instead, saving himself any further heartache by getting the hell out. When he materialized, it was back at Iruka's (_not mine anymore)_ apartment, where he and Naruto had been doing cleaning of their own, packing up his things to move into the apartment Naruto had helped him pick out just a couple of days before.

The blond looked up at his ex-sensei with concern on his face when he reappeared. "You sure I can't go pound Iruka-sensei for you a little more?" he asked with his best fox-grin.

Kakashi shook his head. "Nah. My going there didn't have anything to do with him. Just wanted to make sure Genma knew I didn't hate him, however things went. We were friends before either of us knew Iruka-sensei, you know?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah." He paused, wondering exactly who was going to be Kakashi's friend now, with half the fucking village focused on Iruka and Genma. Then he realized… and smiled. "I'm your friend now, Kakashi," he said very deliberately, biting his tongue to keep from adding the "sensei" on the end.

Kakashi laughed and chucked a book he'd been holding at the younger man. "Yeah, you are. That's why you and Hinata-san are going to have me over for dinner tonight, and feed me a good dinner to soothe my pain, right?"

They both laughed a little at that, but… it wasn't quite enough, not yet, and they both knew it. _Just one more thing to mourn, _Kakashi reminded himself, picking up yet another part of his life and stowing it into a flimsy cardboard box.


	5. Ch 16: Stand On Your Own Feet

A/N: Yes, I said happiness was coming. I didn't mean to lie, but… some other stuff came up while I was writing. laughs I promise there will be happiness, eventually, at least. And I liked writing Raidou standing up for himself here, even if it wasn't a "happy" chapter per se. And I can't believe the extent to which Kotetsu and Izumo are taking over my story, but I like it. I kind of wanted to do the Genma/Iruka interaction here, but I didn't want to rush it, so it's not here yet.

Chapter 16: Stand on Your Own Feet

When it was all said and done, the house was stripped pretty bare. So many things had been given away, and a few of the recipients told Genma how generous he was, to which he shrugged. He supposed if he had a sale, he could have made some of his money back on his things, but honestly he'd almost feel the money would taint whatever new things he bought with it.

He collapsed onto the leather couch, and wondered why he'd kept it. He didn't want it, really. He should have probably just handed it off to Anko, with the rest of Raidou's things, except the scarf he'd left hanging in the entryway… which he had forgotten a little too conveniently. "I'm not very good at deciding something is over," he said softly, but the words echoed in the empty room, and he shivered a little.

He was waiting for Raidou. When he had managed to corner Anko, the kunoichi had glared at him a little, but he had merely thanked her for all her help, and she had sighed and given him the update he wanted. Apparently it was Raidou's intention to wait a while, to get some distance, before they talked. Genma wanted to give him that time, but… even Anko had agreed he couldn't, not with the way things stood now. So she'd taken the message for him, and even now Raidou should be on his way, or Anko if Raidou had refused.

Genma stood and went to take a look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He had showered and put on fresh jeans and a plain white t-shirt. He was shaved and washed and his jeans didn't even have any holes in them. Ready for something, whatever it would be. And there was the heavy knock on the door, the knock of someone who knew just how big the house was and what it would take to be heard if the owner wasn't right in the front. Raidou.

Genma practically ran to the door, and he wasn't sure quite why. _I miss you, Raidou. I miss my friend, if nothing else._ The scarred face that met his eyes when he opened it bore a huge smile, and Genma couldn't help but be surprised. "Erm... would you like to come in?" he said shakily, stepping aside to let him in, feeling a little foolish at the words considering he had invited the man there, but at a bit of a loss.

"Yes, Gen-chan, I would very much like to come in," replied Raidou lightly. He breezed past Genma in a manner that wasn't at all like his normal walk, an added grace that caught his oldest friend off guard. But Genma said nothing as Raidou took off his shoes and moved through the hallway, then waltzed right into the living room as if he still lived there and flopped on the leather couch.

Genma followed, feeling awkward suddenly in his own home. He moved as if to take a seat in the living room floor, but as he passed the couch, Raidou snaked an arm out and pulled him onto it, pressing him down beside him. "Sit by me, Gen-chan. I want to be close to you while we have this talk."

Genma nodded, remembering how just a few years ago he'd had to beg Raidou to be close to him, had to continually move closer as the other man moved away. This easy physical intimacy from Raidou still amazed him, as did the casual way he reached up and plucked Genma's senbon from his mouth and set it aside carefully. As if they were still together, and nothing had changed. But everything had changed, and Raidou's eyes were serious when he leaned towards Genma and said softly, "I'm glad that you cleaned everything out. I really hope that you didn't do it for me, though."

Genma shook his head. "No. It's time for me to stop living in the past. "

Raidou nodded at that, and reached out to lay a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Yes, it is definitely time for that," he agreed. He bit his lip a little, the first display of nervousness since he'd arrived, and then gave a sigh. "Genma, love, I can't live in the past anymore either. I've spent my whole life waiting around for you to notice me, watching you be with other people, and it's been just plain… miserable. " He shifted a bit on the leather, and for the first time found himself wondering if maybe Genma was right about the couch: the old one had been more comfortable.

Genma's eyes were sad, and he felt a little as if the weight of Raidou's hand on him were too heavy. "I know, I'm sorry," he said simply. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Raidou cut him off.

"No, I talk, you listen. New rule... you've done enough talking in the time I've known you for a million lifetimes or so, and I've been cheating myself out of chances to let you know how I feel, and that's what went wrong the first time." The scarred man amazed himself by saying it that way, as if there was going to be another time, another chance. That was what he'd come here hoping for, but… he didn't have the kind of optimism necessary to believe it. "Anko told me that you and Iruka spent the whole day casting each other sad looks. I went to see Iruka, was going to have him help me pick out apartments, almost as a peace offering I guess, but… he hasn't been by his place in days. I'm guessing that he and Kakashi didn't make up after all?"

The whole speech had shocked Genma enough the he had to struggle to even understand the question. "No, they didn't. He was trying to keep it from me, because he didn't want me to feel pressured to offer him something, but the weird little monkeys thought otherwise. Iruka's been with them this whole time, and apparently they're pretty annoyed with his silly games. I haven't been… even though they told me, I've let him believe I didn't know." Genma reached out to touch Raidou's face, running a finger lightly over the scar tissue. "I wanted to talk to you first."

Raidou smiled, turning to press a kiss to the hand before capturing it in one of his own larger ones. "Well, I'm here now." He waited for a moment, and when Genma merely sat looking at him, he sighed. "Yeah, I said I'd do the talking. Fine. Here's the thing. If you want a relationship with me, I'd tell you that we have to start over. I have my own place now, and I like it, and I wouldn't move back in here with you and just pick up where we left off. But… I would very much like to go on a date with you, and see where 

it leads." He paused, shaking his head a little. "When you first gave me a chance, I dove in with all the intensity of the emotions I had been holding back for years. I'm over that now. I realize that the person I was in love with for all those years was an ideal, to some extent, because honestly, Genma, you can be a bit of a prick. You and Iruka both right now, I'd say, fucking everyone else's lives over because you didn't deal with your own issues years ago and just get it over with. I love you, Gen-chan, and I always will, but if you want me to survive this, you're going to have to make your choice and get it over with one way or the other now, because I can't go through all this again."

Genma raised an eyebrow. "So you're telling me that I'm supposed to decide I'm done with Iruka so that you and I can go on a date and see where it leads? You're not going to promise me anything, but you want me to give everything up for you?" Raidou nodded, and Genma gave him a huge smile. "Yeah, that's the kind of standing up for yourself that you should have been doing with me years ago." He squeezed the hand still in his, and leaned forward to lay a kiss on the scarred cheek.

"You know, Rai, it's a tempting offer. But I think you're right, you were in love with an ideal. The real me, the prick who fucks everything up and can't figure out what he wants, I'd just cause you more problems. And I'm not sure I can honestly tell you that I'm over Iruka, even now, so I'd rather not put you through all this again." He smirked a little, letting the tears that had been making his eyes burn fall freely. "You gonna punch me in the face now?"

The big man shook his head, and smiled back, with dry eyes. "Honestly? It's a tempting offer. But what I'm going to do is take my ass off to Anko's, let her put me back together again like she's been doing this whole time while you were fucking other people's boyfriends and having pity parties, and then get on with my damn life. And exactly one week from now, at eight p.m., I'm going to come visit you and we're going to play cards, and have drinks, and if he isn't here already, I'm bringing Ruka with me. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to let all this pathetic mindfuck bullshit destroy everything."

The words were harsher than Genma was used to from Raidou, but the intent made his heart melt. He wiped the tears from his eyes carelessly with his arm, and spoke softly. "I don't know how you and Kakashi can do it. He came here today to reassure me that we were still friends, and I was thinking… if someone did to me what I had done to him, or what I had done to you…"

Raidou interrupted him simply by clapping a hand over the other man's mouth. "If I had treated you like you treated me, you would have whined and badmouthed me and told me you hated me for months, maybe years before you let it go. But what you, and our dear little Ruka-kun as well seem to have forgotten, is that we are all shinobi. We don't have the luxury of these kinds of emotional messes. You two have both spent so much time around Konoha because of your other jobs that you're out of the habit of wondering what happens if you die tomorrow, what it will feel like if the last words you said to your friend were in anger."

Raidou removed his hand from Genma's mouth, but made it clear with his expression that he wasn't done talking yet. "If I had the assurance that I would be alive tomorrow, or a year from now, I would sulk. I would tell you that you're a selfish bastard who broke my heart, that you don't deserve my 

friendship. I would say that you and the fickle sensei deserve each other, and I hope you both suffer for it. Then in six months or so I would forgive you. But I know quite well that any moment now I could be summoned away on a mission where I could die, or you could, or hell even Iruka, who has nearly died often enough even since he settled into his current positions. So instead I'm telling you now that I love you, and that we'll always be friends, and I'll tell Iruka the same thing soon, because I don't want to think about any of us having to live with how we'd feel if those words never get to be said."

It was a very long speech for Raidou, and afterwards he felt tired, a little too worn out to go any further with this meeting. Things were settled, for now. He stood gave Genma's hand, which he hadn't let go of, one last squeeze, then released the other man and started towards the door to the hallway.

Genma reached out, desperate to hold onto Raidou for just a moment more, jumping up and wrapping both arms around the man from behind in a tight hug. He leaned his head into Raidou's shoulder and placed a kiss there, then nuzzled against him, but Raidou turned around and pulled out of his grip, shaking his head. "No. I don't 'play', as Iruka and his friends would call it. We're through, so you're going to have to let me set the boundaries, because apparently you don't have any."

Genma took a step back, chastised. _That's right, he never was that type. I gave him up, I'll have to face that. _"I'm sorry, "he said, unsure what else to add.

Raidou shrugged. "It's okay, just letting you know where I stand. And right now I'm out of here, because I really need to go relax, and so do you, from what Anko said about today. See you around, Genma-kun." He tried for the door again, and this time Genma didn't stop him, just followed him down the hallway towards the door.

Raidou paused in the hallway to grab the scarf that hung on the hook, and looped it around his neck even though it was far too warm to wear it. He turned and gave Genma a wink, as if to say that he could do drama too, and then stepped out the door, closing it softly behind him. Genma stood for a long moment in the hallway, torn between laughing at Raidou's antics and crying at the emptiness which suddenly seemed much more profound.

He did neither, instead just walking back into the living room, scowling at the couch and reminding himself to get rid of it as well, then turning on his heel and going to his sanctuary to throw himself down on the cushions scattering his floor instead. He lay there for a long time, just letting himself feel everything, fully experience both the misery and the hope, then stood and made his way off to bed, ready to have this day over with.

Iruka flung himself through Kotetsu's front door, kicking off his shoes as he went, and threw himself down on Kotetsu's bed still fully dressed. The two men who had been walking behind him looked at each other and rolled their eyes at his theatrics. Izumo walked up to the bedroom door and shut it, then leaned against it heavily for a moment before moving into the tidy little kitchen and starting tea, his 

partner following and taking a seat at the small table. They waited in silence while the water boiled, and only spoke once the tea was ready to be served.

"So, do you want me to tell him that you have to leave tomorrow morning for you?" Kotetsu offered, his eyes following the movement of steady graceful hands as they poured and then set a cup in front of him.

The younger man shook his head, setting his own cup down and taking a seat. "No. I'll tell him myself. I'm more worried about you at this point. You want me to send him off to my place so that you and I can have some proper alone time before I go?"

The other man pursed his lips as if thinking about it, then laughed. "No. Unless you really want to that badly, I'm fine with things as they are. In fact, why don't you take him off to your place WITH you and give me some damn peace for a night before I'm caught up in his mess again?"

Izumo raised an eyebrow. "You're really starting to get twitchy, aren't you?" He touched his leg to his partner's under the table, gently.

Kotetsu nodded. "Yes. I could really use a night off, though I understand if you don't want to go right before your mission. I want to tell him that he needs to stand on his own two feet soon, but… he's Iruka. If we sent him away now, he'd be fine, probably, but he wouldn't look to us for support next time he needed it."

Izumo thought about that for a minute. He would never tell Iruka to stand on his own feet, would let him lean on him for the rest of his life if he asked, because he just couldn't help it. Iruka had always been their closest friend. Theirs, because typically Kotetsu and Izumo didn't have "separate" friends, moved through the world as one person almost, as far as the world could tell, even though honestly they couldn't stand living together and didn't usually use any of the terms other people used to describe their relationship. But Iruka had been pretty much the only person to truly walk inside their sphere, and Izumo wasn't going to tell him that he had to move out of it anytime soon. But he did want to see his friend happier, and he knew it wouldn't happen as long as he wasn't taking care of himself a little. "So, you tell him, and I'll soften the blow for you a bit?"

That brought a laugh from Kotetsu, as he imagined entirely the wrong ways for Izumo to soften the blow. Or maybe the right ones, knowing Izumo. "Not yet. Let it wait until after your mission at least. I don't want to stress him too much at once."

They nodded as one, and Izumo stood and walked around the table, leaning down to press a kiss to Kotetsu's lips. "Well, I'll go collect the freeloader, then. I'll warn you, I won't have time to stop by in the morning, but I'll be back after my mission."

Kotetsu laid another kiss on Izumo's lips softly, for luck, and then reminded him. "Be sure to check your vest for your token first. And don't forget to have some tags on reserve, and…" he trailed off, then laughed at his own worry. "Come home safe, love," he said finally, smiling up at the man who stood over him.

"I always do," Izumo replied, and then headed off into the other room, leaving his half-filled cup of tea cooling on the table. Kotetsu picked it up and finished it, setting aside his own cup, and then laughed again at his own sentimentality.


	6. Ch 17: Advice From Friends

A/N: Yes there is more Izumo and Iruka here. I didn't intend for there to be, but it really felt like it had to happen considering the possibility that by the time Izumo gets back from his mission, that might be something they don't do anymore, as far as they know. And I like the talk between them there as well. Next chapter, the long-awaited Genma-Iruka talk!! :)

I hope no one is bored/impatient. I realize this is kind of slow-paced, but it's just kind of coming out that way.

Chapter 17: Advice (And Other Things) From Friends

Raidou sat down on the front porch of Anko's house and buried his face in his hands. He'd done it. He'd really done it. He'd gone to offer what he could, and it had been rejected. He couldn't say he was surprised, but it still hurt. He was glad that he'd given himself a week before the planned evening with his friends, because he sure as hell wouldn't be ready before that. Especially if Iruka and Genma got back together. _And they will, they have to. _

If he were completely honest with himself, he wanted them to get back together. Now that it was over, now that he could admit that while what he had with Genma had been nice, it hadn't been built to last, he could say that he wanted Genma and Iruka to be happy. Or at least would want it, once he stopped being annoyed and hurt.

"What should I do now?" he asked the woman standing in the door behind him, without bothering to turn and look at her. He'd known she was there since she had soundlessly slid the door open, had known even though she'd said nothing, just watched him.

Anko closed her eyes for a long moment, thinking about it. Finally she said, "Nothing, yet. Get yourself back in order, figure out what it is that makes you happy. I wouldn't jump back into dating someone, if I were you, but… when you're ready, you should find yourself a relationship where you start on even ground, where you both want the same things, where you're not trying to fulfill some unrealistic dream." She crossed the porch and smacked him across the back of the head. "Don't ask lonely crazy people for relationship advice?"

Raidou ducked his head and laughed. "I thought that was your job as my friend, considering the situation."

The kunoichi laughed. "Well, if you really want my advice, you should get yourself off my damn porch and go make me some dinner." Raidou pulled a face at her, but smiled as he ambled through her now-familiar home to the kitchen, and he was glad she hadn't suggested he leave, because he'd become pretty comfortable.

Iruka lay on his back staring up at the ceiling, in yet another bed that wasn't his. They'd walked into Izumo's apartment to a complete mess, and the other man had shoved him into the bedroom and told him to wait there, which made Iruka roll his eyes, because he really wouldn't have minded helping to 

clean. Maybe Izumo was trying to hide something embarrassing… but the sensei was pretty hard-pressed to think of anything that would embarrass his friend.

He turned on his side and surveyed the room again. This room at least was clean enough, and fairly spare: a large western-style bed, a small dresser that had seen better days, a nightstand covered in scratches and dents and a small antique lamp in perfect condition, completely out of sync with the rest of the room. Nothing to really explore, unless he wanted to dig through drawers or the closet and Iruka was too polite for that, though there had been a time when he hadn't been. So he merely laid back and waited, wondering if he was waiting for Izumo to come to bed or if there were other plans once the man had tucked away whatever mess it was that made him so damn nervous.

The younger chuunin was stalking around his apartment randomly shoving bits of clothing, weapons, and various junk into drawers and cabinets thoughtlessly. He had half-wanted Kotetsu to ask him to stay with him tonight, though he understood how much the man needed his alone time, and how he hadn't had any in far longer than normal at this point. More than that, he felt weird about leaving Iruka when he might still need him, wondered just how long he was going to be gone, how likely it was that Iruka would sort things out with Genma before he came back.

_I'm kind of going to miss having him around all the time. I worry a little… _because back when they were kids, it was Iruka's relationship with Genma that had made his friendship with his old teammates suffer. While he'd made an effort to try to keep up with them, there had been months on end when he'd just been too busy, had his mind too much on his lover and their life together. Though later on in that relationship, he'd started being willing to play around a bit more sexually, even then there had been a distance that Izumo didn't like. Now that distance was gone again, and Izumo didn't want it back.

With this in his mind, he gave up on his cleaning, which was really just an excuse to take time out to think anyway, and headed into the bedroom, leaning back against the doorframe and looking at the man sprawled out on his bed. It was the contrasts in the sensei that had always intrigued him. Even back in their academy days, and their genin days, there had been an odd mix of deviousness and actually caring about people in the man. He hadn't changed much, really, though one side of his personality came out more often now than the other. But lying on Izumo's bed, tapping a foot against the headboard as he lay with his head towards the foot, wearing his "Hurt Me" t-shirt and a pout, he was very much the Ruka-kun that Izumo remembered, the one who had planned and executed the hanging of their jounin-sensei from the ceiling of the mission room, who had first taught Izumo that fighting with your mind was just as important as fighting with your body.

"So?" said Iruka simply, raising an eyebrow at his friend. "Tetsu finally got sick of us?"

Izumo stuck out his tongue. "Sick of you, more like, misery-boy. He'll be fine though, just needed a night off."

Iruka frowned. "I am a big boy; you could have left me alone for a night and stayed with him. I know you two haven't had any time together lately."

Izumo shrugged. "We don't need it. It's nice to spend more time with Kotetsu, but it's not like we need to reaffirm anything between us."

His friend couldn't argue with that one. "So, how long are you going to be gone?" he asked softly, his pout replaced by a serious expression.

The younger man's eyes widened in surprise, and then he shook his head and laughed. "Nothing gets by you. I'm leaving in the morning, and I don't really know how long I'll be gone. Could be as little as four or five days, but I can't be sure. And I wouldn't be too surprised if it winds up being a couple of weeks." He paused. "That's all I can say, though I don't doubt you'll rift the mission room files as soon as I'm gone, like you always do." He walked over and joined his friend on the bed, slipping in at the foot and picking up Iruka's head to replace it so that it was in his lap, and he could stroke the other man's unbound hair. "So, you going to be okay while I'm gone?"

Iruka closed his eyes, not quite wanting to look up into his friend's worried face while he tried to sort out an honest answer. He didn't speak until he felt a tug at his hair, Izumo reminding him that he'd been asked a question. "Yes, I'll be okay. I'll stay at Kotetsu's until he kicks me out, then I'll find myself a new place. I know I have to ask Genma eventually, but…"

"You should ask him sooner rather than later," Izumo cut in. "I told him myself that you and Kakashi aren't together, over a week ago now, but he wasn't ready to approach you himself yet then either."

It took a moment for Iruka's brain to even process, and when he did, he sat up suddenly and jerked away from the other man. "Why?" he asked, darkly. He sat on the edge of the bed as if ready to bolt, and Izumo found himself wishing he hadn't said anything. It was too late though, so instead he moved behind Iruka, wrapped his arms around him, and took his hands, effectively cutting off escape by either the door or jutsu. The older chuunin accepted this without comment, but his posture was stiff, not relaxing into the other man's touch as he normally would.

Izumo's voice was calm and even. "I told him because he had a right to know, and because it was better for everyone. If he and Raidou had gotten back together, and Genma had found out later that you were alone, how do you think he would have acted? Even if he didn't want to be with you, he would have been so concerned with consoling you or trying to cheer you up that he would have driven Raidou away again. Kotetsu and I can do that, we can spend time with you together, or either of us can spend time with you alone, and it doesn't really take away from what is between us, because what is between us is intrinsic to our very natures, and undeniable. But even if Genma didn't touch you at all, in any way, every moment he spent with you would be a moment in which Raidou questioned things."

Iruka frowned. "I could have told Genma to go away. I could have left them to themselves until I got myself together, and it would have been fine. Even once Genma found out, I could have made it work."

The younger chuunin gave a soft sigh, and placed a soft kiss on the back of the tense neck. "No, Iruka. You can't make their relationship work for them. I told Genma that you weren't with Kakashi, so that he would know going into anything he chose with Raidou that he was going to have to deal with his feelings 

for you, and move past them, to the point where he could be fair to Raidou. I told him also so that, if he chose, he could ask you out. He hasn't asked you out, and I don't know why."

Iruka took a deep breath. "Maybe he's waiting for me to come to him?"

"Perhaps that's it. If he is… would you like to go see him tonight? That way, if things don't work out right, I'll be around at least." Izumo wondered if Iruka understood that in his own mind he was giving something up by offering this, and almost hoped that he didn't. _The boundaries between myself and Iruka will have to be renegotiated soon either way, I think._

"No," Iruka replied immediately. "I can't go to him tonight, not after everything I had to deal with today. I'm too stressed out for that right now. I have to be able to think straight, both so I can remind myself not to try to get in the way if he has already decided on trying again with Raidou, and so that I don't just jump right in and let myself be swept away by him again." Iruka tried to jerk his hand out of Izumo's grip and failed. Growling, he said, "Please let go of me, Zumo. I promise I won't hit you, or run away."

The younger man held on for another moment, considering, and then let go of his friend's hands and slipped away from him, flopping back onto the bed with a sigh. "Okay, so you can't go now, but you should go soon. And… when it all plays out, one way or another…" He took a deep breath, then forced himself to continue. "Don't get so swept away that you leave us behind again, okay?"

Iruka whirled to look at his friend, lying there on the bed fully dressed but completely vulnerable, his eyes betraying the long-carried pain of that abandonment. He didn't know what to say, didn't know how to apologize for the years in which he'd simply been too wrapped up in Genma to be anyone's friend properly. "I'm sorry," came out, but it didn't sound like enough, even to Iruka.

But Izumo merely shrugged, and said, "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty about what happened then. You were young, in love, happy. We were happy for you. But spending years with that kind of distance between yourself and someone you love hurts, and I don't want to go through it again if I can help it. So just don't do it this time." His expressive eyes closed, he offered up a small smile. _I didn't mean to make him feel worse when he's already got so much on his mind, but I needed the assurance. Forgive me, Iruka. _

Staring down at the younger man, Iruka gave a small sigh, stood, and then held out his hand. "Come on, Zumo, let's get up. I don't think I'm ready for sleep yet now." The offered hand was taken, and then Iruka added. "Never again. I won't ever lose the two of you again, no matter what or who I'm wrapped up in." The quiet intensity of the statement surprised even Iruka, almost as much as being jerked back down into the bed and pressed down into the mattress by the warm body suddenly on top of his.

"By the time I get back, it might be too late for this," Izumo said softly, nuzzling his friend's neck.

The thought hadn't really occurred to Iruka, because honestly he only half-believed Genma would take him back, and he hadn't really considered the exclusivity that might call for. To be honest, he'd thought he wouldn't care one way or the other about it, but with Izumo's body pressed up against him, he realized he'd miss this. But not enough to insist to Genma it be allowed, if Genma actually took him back 

after everything that had happened between them. He'd never leave his friends behind again, but this… "Yeah, it might be," he agreed.

"You okay with it for tonight?" Izumo asked quietly, lifting his head so that he faced Iruka, not sure after all the day's events that his friend needed or wanted anything from him.

A brown hand reached up and stroked across a lighter cheek. "More than okay," Iruka replied easily, a smile on his face. His hand slipped around to the back of Izumo's head, combing through strands of his brown hair, and his lips met the other man's in a soft kiss, more tender than passionate, as whatever it was between them tended to be.

It was Izumo who broke the kiss finally, lifting himself up on his elbows to look down at his friend. This would normally be the moment in which he started setting limits, but none came to mind at the moment. He pulled Iruka up a bit so that he could divest him of the "Hurt Me" shirt, crinkling his nose a little as he threw it across the room, because for the moment he didn't want anyone getting hurt. He blushed a little when Iruka laughed at his expression and retaliated with a playful bite to the tan neck. "Okay, okay, I'll behave," said Iruka, still laughing, and held up his hands as if in surrender.

Izumo grinned and took them, placing them carefully against the mattress. "Don't move those," he instructed, then went back to nipping at Iruka's neck, surprising the older man with a hard suck right over his pulse point, the bruise already beginning to form under his mouth.

Iruka didn't move his hands, though his first impulse was the push the younger man away. "Is that Tetsu's rule or yours you just broke?" he asked, arching his neck in a manner that asked for more even as he protested.

Izumo continued sucking and nipping at Iruka's neck for a moment before answering, then pulled back and examined the mark. "Tetsu doesn't make those sorts of rules for me," he said casually, sliding down the firm body beneath him and moving his attention to the muscular chest, kissing and licking his way along it. "I made that rule, and I don't need it anymore." He was pretty sure there was going to be another mark on Iruka's chest, and he forced himself to stop.

Long graceful fingers carefully unbuttoned and unzipped Iruka's blue jeans as the hot tongue continued its trail down his body, and Iruka couldn't hold back the moan, wanting to reach out and wind his fingers in his friend's hair and press his face down into his groin, wanting to be a little rough after the marks he'd been given, but instead he simply fisted his hands into the sheets, not willing to risk breaking the rule Izumo had set, as always.

The jeans were slipped down his hips slowly, to be followed by the underwear he'd put on in deference to the fact that doing hard labor in jeans without any really wouldn't be too comfortable. Izumo's talented tongue was on him immediately, and Iruka bucked up against the younger man's mouth, impatient in a way he knew Izumo hated, wouldn't accept.

But Izumo merely opened his mouth and let the movement slide the cock between his lips, sucked it in greedily, locking his mischievous eyes with the surprised ones of the man spread out beneath him in his 

bed. Iruka opened his mouth to say something, but Izumo wasn't having that, and pinched his thigh hard while stilling his mouth, threatening no more play. He waited a moment to see if Iruka would say something anyway, and hummed happily around his mouthful when the other man nodded instead.

No words were spoken, no contact made other than the hand on Iruka's thigh, the mouth on his cock, and that unbreakable gaze. Izumo worked steadily, as if this were something he did every day, when really it wasn't, he was far more likely to receive than give such attention. His lips and tongue and teeth seemed to know what they were doing though, and he let his mind focus instead on the face of the man he was touching, the expressions he made, the tenderness and pure lust mingled there. He didn't stop until Iruka's bucking hips were out of control, and his cock was splashing hot salty fluid into Izumo's mouth. He didn't swallow it, holding his mouthful even as he let Iruka's softening cock fall, and slid up Iruka's body to share it between them in a kiss, a gesture that intrigued Izumo for reasons even he wasn't sure of. He made a mess with the kiss, dripping onto Iruka's face just so he could lick it off, still looking directly into those brown eyes so close to his own, and finally, when every drop seemed to be gone, he whispered against Iruka's lips. "Change can be good, you think?"

Iruka nodded wordlessly, his whole body relaxed, his mind numb. It wasn't just that it had been a hell of a blow job, he'd had just as good or better before. But the idea of Izumo doing that to him, letting him thrust into his mouth without any complaint about it, acting for once without restraint, was beautiful. He wanted to thank his friend, and couldn't quite, not sure how to explain what was so important about the moment.

Izumo stood suddenly and shed his own clothes, then came back to the bed and wrapped himself around the sated Iruka. Iruka raised an eyebrow as if to ask if there was something more Izumo wanted, and Izumo shrugged and snagged one of Iruka's hands from where it rested on the sheet, placing it gently on his own groin. He simply lay there on top of Iruka looking down at him during the long slow hand job that followed, occasionally interspersed with kisses, but he did shriek a little when his friend suddenly flipped them and squirmed his way down Izumo's body to give a few soft little licks just as the younger man reached his orgasm.

Once they were nestled together again, comfortably resting, and Izumo was still licking a little at the traces of his own seed on the other man's face, he said softly, "Thanks for letting me take care of you these past few days."

Iruka gave a little laugh. "If that's what you call 'taking care of me', then I really have to have some kind of emotional crisis more often."

His friend's eyes danced. "I knew that was what this was about! All this just to get me into bed, I'm so flattered, Iruka-kun!" Then his eyes grew serious. "I mean it though, Iruka, by the time I get back to Konoha you'd better have this Genma thing sorted out one way or the other. I want you to be happy, okay? Kotetsu and I both do. And if Genma won't take you back, we'll just have to go pound him like we always said we would before, don't you think?"

"You sure you aren't trying to keep me for yourself?" Iruka asked teasingly, pressing his body closer to Izumo's, grinding his hips a little. "You certainly seem fond of me."

Another little laugh followed that, though for a brief moment Izumo considered the possibility, wondered if maybe it would be nice to have Iruka around all the time, if he didn't wind up with Genma. _I certainly wouldn't tell him to go away, but we'd never be what Kotetsu and I are, and we all know that. _"I think not, Iruka. I am pretty fond of you, but it's not _this" _he reached down and gave the soft cock a little squeeze, "that I particularly need from you, nice as it is."

Iruka considered that a little more of that hand would probably get him ready for a second round, but Izumo had a mission the next day, and he really needed to rest and then be ready to focus on Genma, so he simply grinned back and then settled down to sleep, grateful once again to be resting in the arms of one of his oldest friends.


	7. Ch 18: Simple and Complicated

A/N: Finally. Yes, Genma and Iruka TALK!! :P

Chapter 18: Simple and Complicated

The apartment door closed quietly behind Iruka, and he went straight to the kitchen to start breakfast, hearing the shower. He was almost finished making pancakes when Kotetsu came into the kitchen fully dressed in his uniform already. "You probably should have made those for Izumo instead, you know," he said casually, then spotted something and crossed the room to stand right next to Iruka, ignoring the elbow to the gut he received as the pancake was flipped. "Is that his mark on your neck?"

Iruka grinned a little, taking the very last of the pancakes from the pan and putting it on the platter next to the stove. He held the platter out to Kotetsu to place on the table while he turned off the heat and started getting out toppings. He didn't bother answering the question, because who the hell else would he have been with last night?

Kotetsu set down the pancakes and waited until Iruka's hands were empty before he slid up close again, leaning his head down to inspect, and whistling a little. "Nice. I thought that was one of his rules, though. Something happen I should know about?" He raised an eyebrow, placing a hand on the counter on each side of Iruka, trapping him.

"He mentioned what a jerk I was to you two before," Iruka said softly, then shrugged. "You want the blow by blow or what? Just sex, but… some of the usual Izumo rules took a vacation. Was nice." He reached out and ran a hand over the spikes of Kotetsu's hair. "If you're asking if we suddenly decided to ditch you and Genma and run away together, no."

The other chuunin laughed. "Like I'd worry about that. Just curious as to what had changed in that dynamic. You two have been pretty close lately, and it's great to see it." He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on the mark on Iruka's neck, then another on the man's jaw. "As for the part about you being a jerk, yeah, you were. Too late to change it now, though I'm pretty happy with letting you make it up to us the rest of our lives by being a good friend." His eyes darted to the table, and he added, "Pancakes is a good start," but didn't move.

"Something else you wanted?" Iruka asked, tapping his foot.

Kotetsu gave him a leer, sliding a knee between the trapped man's legs and giving him a rough kiss, sudden and hard, and then turned Iruka's head so that his lips hovered just over the older man's ear. "Get your stupid ass out of my apartment and go see Genma, that's what you can do," he whispered, then turned away and slid into a chair, loading up his plate. "It can wait until after breakfast, of course," he added cheerfully, grinning at the surprised and almost disappointed look on his friend's face.

Iruka gave a rueful grin and then started loading up his own plate, taking a seat across from his host. "So, you're not trying to get rid of me so you can have Zumo to yourself again?" he asked.

Kotetsu paused, a bite halfway to his mouth, and then shook his head. "No. I never did have him to myself, and have no desire to now. Hell, if you and Genma get things sorted, and it turns out some way or another you and Izumo can still play, I won't mind that. Nor will I keep my own hands off you if that's the case, for all that I've been behaving myself in that respect so far, because frankly you're just too damn shaken up for me right now, and I'm busy trying to be Genma's friend too. I just know that Zumo isn't really what you want, not as more than a friend of some sort anyway, and I don't want you to be unhappy." He gave a look that clearly stated the conversation was over, and they ate in silence. Afterwards, Iruka cleaned up, and Kotetsu went through the rest of his morning routine, not seeking out his houseguest until he was ready to leave for work.

"I'm serious, Ruka, make it today. For your sake, not mine," he advised, and favored his friend with a soft kiss, containing a tenderness he wasn't quite used to. "You're welcome here as long as you want to stay, but that doesn't mean you should put things off." Iruka nodded, and Kotetsu left without any further words, hoping his friend would take his advice.

Genma sat in the middle of his living room floor, looking around at the emptiness there. First thing this morning he'd gotten rid of the couch, gifting it to a neighbor who had mentioned liking it before. Now the entire room was empty; no furniture, no knick-knacks, no decorations. He made up his mind to paint the room as well, before he bought anything for it, and the idea led to him thinking about painting more of the house. A fresh start for sure this time. A lonely one, apparently, but he figured he could handle that, as long as he had his friends around him. Which he would, according to Raidou.

He felt the chakra signature before he heard any noise, and it wasn't outside, it was already in the hallway. Genma was tempted to pretend he didn't know who it was, jump up and spit his senbon and … just barely miss… and act all indignant. After all, the man had kept him waiting for far longer than he should have, and much worse, had lied to him. Instead, he kept his seat, and called, "I'm in the living room, and you're not that sneaky!"

The face that popped around the doorframe held a sheepish grin. "Sorry, I just couldn't make myself knock. Too weird." The chuunin came into the room fully, scuffing a bare foot. He was wearing the new version of the "Deadly Sweet" shirt, and he knew it was probably a little over-the-top when it came to nostalgia value, but he'd given in and worn it anyway. He'd put on tattered jean shorts with it, because he wanted to be comfortable, wanted to feel normal about all this, not nervous. Of course he was nervous anyway, but it had been a nice thought.

He took a moment just to take in Genma fully, sitting there in the floor with his legs crossed, impossibly long and lean in nothing but a pair of worn-out blue jeans, his wiry torso on display, his teeth clamped around a senbon and his mouth set in a straight line. Iruka ached to just walk over and slip to the floor beside him, wrap his arms around him, trace a finger along a familiar scar… Instead he stood leaning against the wall, and offered up, "I came to see if you'd like to go for a walk with me," because he knew he wasn't quite up to having this conversation in the house where he'd spent some of his happiest time. _If he turned me down here, I'd fall apart._

Genma nodded and stood without comment, walking past Iruka into the hallway and strapping on his sandals, not bothering with any weapons, or a shirt. This wasn't going to be some kind of public outing, he figured, most likely knowing Iruka he would choose to go into the forest, and Genma didn't really need anything for that. Just the single senbon between his lips, and a few deep breaths to try to calm his nerves.

No words were spoken as they walked, each man lost in thought and communicating in a kind of half-staring, half-avoiding dance, sneaking glances as if it were some kind of crime to want to look. Iruka did indeed set off towards the gates, wanting to go out into the forest where they could be alone in a neutral setting. As they neared the gates, he saw that Kotetsu was there at the guard station. It was strange to see him sitting there with the young chuunin Moegi rather than with Izumo. The girl was chattering at him excitedly, and Kotetsu looked very bored, but he perked up when he saw Iruka, and who was talking with him. Iruka shook his head, indicating that he didn't want to stop and talk, and waved to his friend and his ex-student as he and Genma exited the village.

Genma took the lead, automatically, a small clearing in mind far enough off the trail for privacy, not far enough that it looked like he was trying to get Iruka away from people for ulterior reasons, of either the lustful or violent variety. When he reached the spot, he simply stretched out on the grass, looking up in the trees, and waited for Iruka to talk. He'd learned his lesson about doing all the talking, he figured, and it was the younger man who had called him out.

Iruka carefully lowered himself to the grass next to his old friend, his ex-lover, his… hope for the future. He propped himself up on one elbow and simply looked at the man for a moment, reveling in the way the sunlight streaming through the trees illuminated his skin, the lighter highlights in his hair, the thin metal in his mouth. _If Kakashi is moonlight, Genma is my sun. He burns so brilliantly it hurts sometimes. _Iruka swallowed his fear, and spoke.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you, or at least… didn't tell you what I should have. I know how much you hate to lie, and to be lied to. I humbly ask for your forgiveness, Genma." Iruka nearly added a polite honorific, but didn't, because it would have felt too false even to him. And he knew he was smiling, but he wasn't sure how real that was either. _I'm doing my best._

Genma gave a small chuckle. "You're forgiven, Iruka. It's over. You're going to talk to me now, and that's fine. Just please spare me too much melodrama, because I already went through this with Raidou last night, and the cleaning yesterday… I'm worn far too thin." Genma looked up at Iruka sadly, seeing _the smile, _and had to resist the urge to shake the younger man and yell at him to get rid of it. Instead he offered up the information he knew Iruka wanted to know, nearly laughing at the thought that he, the infamous partier and rogue, was more honest than the well-respected sensei. "Raidou was willing to give me a second chance, but I couldn't take it, because it wouldn't have been fair to him still."

A tear came to Iruka's eye, and he wondered how that conversation had went, how Raidou had reacted, how his friend was doing now. He wanted more than ever to go to Raidou, offer his some sort of comfort, but he couldn't honestly think of anything the big man would want or accept from him. So instead he focused on the tokujo before him, looking down at Genma with a thousand questions in his 

mind, and not a single answer. "So…" he started, and realized he couldn't go on, wasn't ready to say it yet.

Genma smiled a little, tempted to lie there and say nothing, let Iruka fumble until he managed the words. Instead he took in the man's appearance again, the t-shirt so like the one he'd met on the very day he'd first moved in with Genma, moving not only into his home, but into his heart, against all the older man's better judgment. The combination of the shirt and the cut-off jeans made Iruka look younger, and Genma wasn't sure he liked the effect, because it brought back too many memories. He took in also… "So, you've been busy, apparently." He didn't explain the comment, was pretty sure Iruka would get what he was referring to.

Iruka shifted the hand he was leaning on a little to cover the mark on his neck. "Izumo. I've been staying at Kotetsu's, and surely you didn't think I'd be sleeping alone there. It's nothing more or less than what it always was, friends and caring about each other and… play."

Genma nodded, silent for another moment, and in that time Iruka found himself channeling his younger self, the confident teenager who had seen what he wanted and went for it. "Look, Genma, it's time to stop dancing around this. I want to be with you. It's that simple. The complicated part is that we're never going to get back what we had before. We're not those people anymore, and that's a good thing. As much as I like some parts of who I was then, I wouldn't give up the lessons I've learned in these years away from you. So if you love me, and you can accept starting over, and creating something new instead of trying to reconstruct our past, then I want to give it a try."

"Yes," Genma said simply, his voice soft. "I want to try too." He resisted the urge to say "What is it you want from me anyway?" trying to keep himself in the present. Instead, what came out was, "So, we're going to take it slow, try to keep it less intense for a while?"

Iruka nodded. "I think so. I think I'm probably going to stay with Tetsu and Zumo for a while, if you don't… I mean, not for _that_, but just because I'm comfortable there and don't really want to deal with living by myself again yet. So you can get your house in order the way you want it, for yourself. So we can both get our lives in order, in general."

Genma thought it over for a moment. He needed to get his life in order, really, stop living in the past. Could he do that with Iruka, really? He thought he could, but Iruka was right, it wouldn't work if they jumped in with both feet immediately, thrusting themselves back into something resembling what they'd had before… the passionate affair that had nearly consumed and destroyed them both. And the idea of Iruka staying with Kotetsu and Izumo didn't really bother him, because they were starting to be his friends too, especially Kotetsu, and it really didn't matter if… did it? He realized he was just laying there with his eyes pointed up into the tree cover, neither speaking nor meeting Iruka's eyes, and flushed a little, but before he could get anything out, Iruka was speaking again.

"This is started to sound like the type of negotiation Izumo does, and I don't want that with you. Not yet anyway. Can we just assume for now that we're going to give this a chance, one way or the other, and just enjoy it, and deal with all these details later?" he asked, giving a real smile this time.

"You always were the smart one," Genma replied with a grin.

Iruka's smile widened, turning into the old prankster's grin, and he reached down to pluck the senbon from the tokujo's mouth with the hand not propping him up. He started to lean down for a kiss, not horribly surprised when a nimble hand snaked out and pulled the ponytail holder out of his hair, letting it fall down around his shoulders.

Freed from their respective masks, the two men looked at each other for a moment, and then Iruka moved the last couple of inches to seal their lips in a kiss. He kept it gentle, soft, offering up all his hope and his love easily, the hand holding the senbon moving to set it aside carefully so that he might use that hand to touch Genma, lightly, sliding over one of the familiar scars on his belly. Iruka was grateful that Genma let him stay in control of the kiss, responded just as tenderly, relaxing into it.

When the chuunin finally pulled away, he took a deep breath, and smiled down at the other man. Genma smiled back, and then said, "Mm, still deadly sweet, and I'm still addicted," which earned him a playful pinch to his side.

"So, where do we go from here? For today I mean?" Iruka asked quietly, settling himself into the arms that Genma held out to him.

"Nowhere, I think," came the reply, the hazel eyes thoughtful as they looked down into darker ones. "If you want to stay here and bask for a while, we can, but I think we really should give ourselves a night at least to relax, and not think. Otherwise I'm going to take you home with me and ravage you, and beg you to stay the night, and the morning after, and the day after that… because right now I never want to let go of you."

It sounded far too good, tempting, to just go home with Genma now and stay, forever, jump right back in and let himself be engulfed… so Iruka knew Genma was right. "All right then. So… tomorrow? After work? We can have a date or something?"

"Yes, a date. I'll take you out to dinner," Genma offered, smiling contentedly at the thought. "Oh, and next Saturday night we have to play cards with Rai, he already decided. Said he'd drag you if you weren't already around, wants to patch things up and all. Before that, maybe we could go out with the monkeys sometime, if they aren't sick of us both?"

Iruka didn't want to go out with Genma and other people, wanted to wrap them both in a little cocoon away from the world. But the promise he'd made to Izumo wasn't forgotten, and he wanted to patch things up with Raidou, and Kotetsu had been there for him, and… "Yes, we should really spend some time with our friends. I'll ask Kotetsu tonight when would work for him, though I don't know how soon Izumo will be back from his mission."

"Oh, he's on a mission? Is that why… this?" Genma reached out to touch a finger to the mark on Iruka's neck, no longer covered by his hand.

"That, and you, I think," Iruka replied. "We talked about what happened before, when I was with you, how I kind of left them behind. It was… I guess I didn't realize exactly how much I hurt them before."

"Oh," Genma said again. He'd have to think on that one, how to make sure that he and Iruka could be together without abandoning everyone, shutting everyone off. He thought it would be a bit of a challenge, but he was ready now to face it, and he thought Iruka was too. "We'll make sure we don't, this time." He gave Iruka another soft kiss, and then pushed him gently away so that he could stand, reaching out a hand to help the chuunin up.

Iruka took the offered hand, then reached out and picked up the senbon before standing, holding it back out to Genma. Genma took it, and then moved behind Iruka and carefully put his hair back up into a ponytail, though he couldn't seem to get it quite as straight as it should be. Easy laughter followed as Iruka straightened it up, and then they walked hand-in-hand back through the forest and into the gate. Iruka paused, gesturing towards his friend still on guard duty, and Genma grinned and nodded, leaning in to give the younger man a kiss and then walking away alone towards his own home.

Iruka approached the spot where Kotetsu sat still trying to ignore his young female partner's ramblings, and the spiky-haired man's eyes lit up, both grateful for the distraction and excited to hear how things had gone. Iruka immediately turned towards the younger of the two guards and asked, "Hey, Moegi, how's your family?"

The resulting flood of information about the girl's various relatives that followed grated on Kotetsu's nerves even more, and he finally glared at the girl and reached out to grab Iruka by his t-shirt. "Tell me, now," he growled.

Iruka grinned. "You haven't lost yourself a houseguest, but I think I've gained myself a boyfriend," he said teasingly, some distant part of his mind registering that his watching ex-student gasped.

Kotetsu grinned back, and released him. "Perfect. Just how I wanted it. Now how about you get your ass home and make some lunch to bring me, freeloader?"

Iruka gave an exaggerated bow, and headed off towards Kotetsu's apartment, nearly skipping as he went.


	8. Ch 19: Running Our Mouths

Chapter 19: Running Our Mouths

Three years is a long time in some ways. A lot of memories can be made in that amount of time, and Kakashi was starting to discover that fact. Everywhere he went in Konoha, there was something. He didn't want to eat at his favorite restaurant, couldn't bring himself to face most businesses in fact, because _this_ was where they had bought groceries together, and _that _was where Iruka had pushed him up against a wall and kissed his unexpectedly and _this _was where they had bought that pretty painting that had hung in the living room until he'd put it in a box and taken it with him, and _that_ was where Naruto's shy girlfriend had blushed fifty shades of red when he grabbed Iruka's ass in front of her.

Of course, it just made him want to work harder. One mission after another, and he could see Tsunade-sama's worry but was grateful that she said nothing, though the other jounin were starting to get antsy with how few missions were left to be split among them. The second dawn after his brief appearance at the cleaning party, Kakashi was on his way out of town, pausing briefly before the memorial as always to speak softly to his precious people.

The wind ruffled messy silver hair, and a shiver went up the man's spine a brief moment before he felt the familiar chakra. He didn't have to look, could feel the figure behind him freeze and start to turn away. The jounin's voice was firm as he called out, "Come stand with me for a minute."

The sensei let out his breath in a whoosh, the sound disappearing into the wind. "Of course, Kakashi." He moved to the older man's side smoothly, as if it was where he belonged, and then winced at the thought that it wasn't anymore, perhaps never had been. "How have you been?" he asked quietly.

A sharp laugh came from behind masked lips. "Haven't gotten myself killed yet. Finished my part of cleaning out the apartment." He dug in his vest and pulled out a chakra-enhanced key, because he'd never again need to pulse his chakra through the lock to deactivate those traps he'd once stumbled into, turn the key to let himself into the place that had been his home for a while. He dropped into the palm Iruka held out once he saw what Kakashi was doing, and his body seemed to lose a thousand pounds of weight with the absence. "I heard you've been staying at Kotetsu's? You getting rid of the place?"Iruka gave a little nod, his ponytail bobbing. "Yeah, I haven't even really been back there much. I think Tetsu's going to stand over me and make me get rid of some things. I'm not even getting my own apartment for a while… I figure I'll be more stable if I stay with my friends."

Kakashi gave a little nod, remembering the state of mind Iruka had been in when they had first gotten together. "Yeah, it's good for you to be with your friends. If you had a place to retreat to, you might never come out. I… Naruto and Sakura are picking out a place for me today, I think. They've going to fix it up while Sasuke and I are on a mission, kind of a nice idea." He took a deep breath and finally turned to face his ex-lover. "So, you and Shiranui pull your heads out of your asses yet?"

Iruka blushed and looked away, then gave an embarrassed little laugh. "Yes. We have a date tonight. Trying not to… rush anything there."

Kakashi's eye crinkled as if he were smiling, but honestly he didn't even know if under his mask his mouth did the same or not. He was too busy trying to decide if he wanted to continue the conversation or run. "I'm glad. And you should take it slow, give yourselves time to really work things out this time." He gave in and reached out to clap a hand on the chuunin's shoulder, in a friendly gesture he'd seen other men make all the time, affectionate but not sappy or overly personal. "I hope things work out for you, Iruka. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get going, but it was nice talking to you."

Iruka looked down at the hand on his shoulder, and then smiled. "Yeah, I hope things work out for you too. Come home safe, Kakashi." He watched in silence as the other man nodded and darted away, staring after the graceful figure as it flitted out of sight, and then sagging a bit. He turned towards the stone, standing there for a long moment, and then speaking aloud to all the dead heroes, both known and unknown to him. "Someone please look out for Kakashi."

He could have sworn he heard a voice remembered from his childhood, a voice that had belonged to a Hokage he'd never gotten to serve under himself, reply. "I always do." But surely it was just his imagination, and Iruka shivered and turned away, ready to return to the world of the living.

Gate duty had been more tiring than usual that day, because that damn girl they paired Kotetsu with just wouldn't shut her mouth. And if he had to hear one more word about the grand acts of bravery of herself and her friends, of her "big brother Naruto", he'd scream. And he didn't dare expect to come home to any kind of relaxation, not with Iruka there and Izumo gone.

To his surprise, however, he walked in the front door of his apartment to hear only a whisper of movement from the kitchen. He poked his head around the door to see Iruka walking across the room towards him, already dressed in a pair of brown dress slacks and a cream shirt, accenting his dark skin without seeming too stark against it like white would have. Iruka gently placed a cup into Kotetsu's hand, and the calming scents of mint and lavender wafted up to his nose as the sensei pulled out a chair for him and pressed him into it.

"Did you break something?" Kotetsu asked suspiciously.

"No, Kotetsu, I did not break anything. Nor are there any new traps waiting for you. I just know how tiring Moegi can be, and I thought after listening to her all day, you would want to relax." He pulled out another chair for himself, and sat across from Kotetsu.

Kotetsu gave another suspicious look, but smiled. "Thanks. She is… a bit of a challenge, just doesn't seem to understand when I just want peace and quiet." He paused. "You look really nice, Ruka."

Iruka blushed. "Thanks. I left the academy straight after class for once, and went to clean a few things out of the apartment. So careful of my room, there are some boxed piled around in there."

Kotetsu's mind stuttered a bit over the words "my room", not because he minded giving up his spare room for his friend, but because last night it had seemed odd when Iruka went off to sleep there instead of crawling into bed with him. He'd felt lonely, and already as if Genma was coming between them somehow, but Iruka's happiness was more important to him, so he let it go. "So, where are you headed on your date?"

Iruka gave a little shrug. "Somewhere they serve food. I have no idea where, but I'd bet we'll try to find a place that isn't one of our usual haunts, because we don't want to trigger too many memories, either of each other or… other people. If I know Genma, scoping such a place out is what he did with his day."

Kotetsu took a long sip of his tea, and then grinned. "Yeah, that sounds like Genma all right." He cocked his head to the side. "You know, I'm actually pretty fond of him these days. I'm surprised how… normal he is when he's not doing the party bit."

Iruka gave a huge smile. "I'm glad you're getting along. It makes things easier, because… I don't want to lose you again, and I promised Izumo, so… I'm glad you can deal with Genma now, and vice versa." He sat thinking for a moment, then stood. "I'd better get going now, but I'll see you later. I'm… definitely coming back tonight." He leaned down to offer Kotetsu a hug.

Kotetsu hugged his friend back, then placed a kiss on his cheek. "Okay, I'm holding you to that one." He did his best parental voice. "If you stay out too late, I'm going to lock you in your room until you're fifty, you hear me, young lady?"

Iruka laughed hard, a little too close to Kotetsu's ear for comfort, then moved even closer and gave his ear a little nip. "Sweetheart, that kind of thing would work better if I didn't know just how to touch you to make you cum in less than a minute." He gave a little swipe of the tongue along the earlobe, and Kotetsu squirmed.

"So, I didn't say our family wasn't a little incestuous," Kotetsu gasped out. Then he firmly pushed Iruka away from him. "Could you at least not tease me until either you're ready to carry through or Izumo is back? Hell, _I _might not come home tonight now, might hit up that civilian boy I met at the bar a few days ago. Now go!"

Iruka went, laughing and swinging his hips saucily, humming a jaunty little tune.

Genma solved Iruka's discomfort over whether to knock on his door or not by waiting on the porch, and Iruka's smile widened as he saw the older man leaning back against the door, dressed similarly in dress slacks and a button-up, except that his outfit was dark green and a darker brown than Iruka's. Iruka took the hand that was held out to him, and the two men walked close together, holding hands, but said nothing for a few minutes, merely enjoying each other's company.

Genma had already picked out a place to eat. It had taken him some really thinking actually, because he was trying to avoid not only the places that reminded him of Raidou, or the ones he knew that reminded Iruka of Kakashi, but also the ones from their own history together. He'd finally settled for a new restaurant in town he hadn't tried yet, hoping Iruka hadn't either, and it turned out to be very Western-style, and more casual than he had planned.

They were ushered into a booth by a teenaged girl with multiple facial piercings and multicolored hair. Iruka raised an eyebrow, and Genma gave a little shrug, taking a place across from him. "I just hope the food is okay," Genma muttered under his breath.

A little laugh was shared between them, and it was nice, comfortable. Iruka picked up a menu and stared at it for a few minutes, then grinned. "Actually, this looks really good. Kind of looks like stuff someone's mom might cook, if she were a little loopy."

Genma nodded, and they spent a few minutes perusing the menu and then gave the colorful girl their orders before kind of sitting back looking at each other. The silence didn't break until their drinks arrived, and they both kind of blushed and scrambled with them, trying to cover their nervousness. Iruka found himself almost choking as he pounded down half a beer, and then shook his head a little.

"We're so silly, Gen-chan. We're trying so hard not to bring up all the hard topics that we're not talking at all." He made a face and kicked Genma under the table.

The older man stuck out his tongue. "Yeah, I know. It'll get better. Let's not worry about it. We can't walk on eggshells forever anyway."

Iruka gave another little nod, but silence fell between them again for a long moment. Iruka finally took the initiative. "I have to come up with some good traps for Izumo to come home to. He gave me free reign of his apartment, so you know I can't resist playing around a bit there."Genma chuckled. "Because of course, anyone who trusts you deserves it, right? And you'd think those two would know better than anyone, considering your history with them." He paused a little, taking a swig from his drink. "Hey, I know you wanted to stay off the serious topics, but I was thinking about something."A little sigh slipped from Iruka's lips before he could stop it, but he smiled anyway. "Yeah, doesn't matter, we'll have to get through them eventually anyway, so might as well go ahead." He looked around for a second as if unsure of the move, then stood and slid into Genma's side of the booth, pushing him over less than politely. "If we're gonna do the serious stuff, I am at least going to be close to you."

A long lean arm slid around his shoulders and pulled him close, and soft lips placed a kiss on his head. "Sounds fair." Genma paused for a moment, just enjoying the closeness, before moving on. "I was thinking last night, about the weird little monkeys." "They're still the weird little monkeys?" asked Iruka, interrupting him. "After they've been putting forth so much effort to watch out for you? Especially Kotetsu…"

Genma elbowed the chuunin. "Shh, let me finish, you brat. I can call them that if I want, they think it's funny now. And what I was going to say was that, if you're going to stay with them for a while anyway, why don't we…" He paused, trying to think of a polite way to say 'I love you but I don't care if you screw your friends'… "Not worry about the no-play bit. I really don't mind, and I think it would help you not feel like you have to distance yourself from them emotionally either."

Iruka turned to look at Genma, his eyes wide. "Did you really just say that?" When Genma simply nodded, Iruka shook his head wonderingly. "I know before, towards the end we… weren't exactly monogamous, but I figured now you would want, after everything we've been through to get here…"

The arm around Iruka trembled a bit. _Shit. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he doesn't want that. _"I want, after everything we've been through, to be with you. That's it, just to be with you. If you'd rather have it be that way, we can only be with each other, I can do that. Hell, it'd be easier for me than for you, because it's not like I have people I've actually been doing things with, other than random bar fucks. I just thought… I thought it might be easier for you to keep your friendships on the right track if they don't have to suddenly have limits put on them." He nuzzled against Iruka's neck, an apology for assuming he'd known what the chuunin wanted.

Iruka laughed lightly. "Mmm it would be nice, actually, if things could stay as they were. I was just surprised, that's all. Just let me know if you change your mind then." He placed a soft kiss on Genma's forehead, and then smiled. "So, is that all the serious stuff? Because I think that's Clown-Hair coming with our food."

Genma laughed at the easy change of subject and snuggled closer to his boyfriend _mine my Ruka-kun. _"Mmmm food time, fun time, be together time, no more seriousness."


	9. Ch 20: Stop Pretending

Chapter 20: Stop Pretending

Dinner turned into a walk, and the walk turned into the two men standing outside the door to Kotetsu's apartment and fidgeting a little, looking at each other. "Mmm, this was nice," Iruka said, fiddling with the collar on his shirt, the cream fabric smooth under his touch.

Genma nodded, licking his lips, looking down to where his hand was still holding Iruka's, playing with his fingers. "Really nice, just relaxing and spending time with you." He leaned in to place a kiss on Iruka's cheek, moist lips brushing against soft tan skin, hazel eyes closing in pleasure.

Iruka gave in and stopped fidgeting with his shirt in order to wrap his free arm around Genma's waist. "I want to have more of these times, many more of them, where I can just see you and be with you.

Genma grinned and leaned in to place another soft kiss on the younger man's cheek, almost as if the kiss were a stall for time. "Mmm, I should go, Ruka-kun. But yes, we will have many more of these times, I promise you." He knew he shouldn't promise anything of the sort, that they were both shinobi and should know better, that any moment they could both be dead. But the "assuming we don't die tomorrow" and the "if it's up to me" went unspoken, understood.

"Yeah, you should. Maybe tomorrow after I get off we can…" Iruka started, but his arms were wrapping themselves around Genma as he spoke, and he laid his head on his shoulder silently instead of finishing the sentence.

The tokujo was just opening his mouth for more inane chatter when the door opened and a man with spiky hair wearing nothing but a bandage across his nose and a pair of boxers came out and slapped him upside the back of the head. "Kami, you guys are driving me crazy just listening to you! Get your asses in here and stop pretending you're not going to have sex."

Genma laughed. Iruka glowered. Kotetsu rolled his eyes. "Seriously, get out of my hallway. Either go elsewhere or come in and do something interesting. For me to eavesdrop on if not watch." He crossed his arms and stood waiting.

Iruka grinned his best prankster grin. "Come on, Genma, maybe we should just go back to your place then…"The hand that grabbed him by the collar of his shirt was not unexpected, but the force with which he was stopped short was. "Nope. You are staying. Your little boyfriend here is invited until just after breakfast, then he's kicked out."

Genma raised an eyebrow, but Iruka just laughed. "No use arguing with him, Gen-chan, come on." He pulled Genma inside the apartment, pausing to place a soft kiss on the lips of his friend before realizing it might seem odd to do so in

front of his… boyfriend? But the gesture went by without comment, and before he knew it he was sprawled out on the guest room bed with Genma.

"Mmm, he has a good point, standing around being uncomfortable in the hallway because we want to make love but feel we shouldn't is rather silly of us. And whether we do or we don't, the thing we're really trying to avoid is getting wrapped up in our own little world, and being each other's whole lives, and it's a whole separate issue." Iruka said quietly, leaning his head against Genma's shoulder.

The older man gave a slight smile, tipping his lover's face up so he could see it. "Why do I feel more nervous now than I did when things were still uncertain?"

The mischievous grin that spread over Iruka's face took Genma back for a moment, and took his breath away with the sweetness of the memories, finally starting to uncoil from the pain that had been wrapped around them for so long. "That's because you're just a backwards kind of guy, Gen-chan." He teased, shifting a bit to get his lips against the underside of the older man's jaw. "If you're nervous though, I'll gladly be gentle with you," he teased further, fiddling with the first button of Genma's shirt, finally popping it open and simply sliding his hand against the tan skin beneath.

Genma rolled his eyes. "That's not the kind of nervous I meant, Ruka-kun," he started, and then the thought hit him. _Iruka, making love to me. Iruka. Holding me, touching me, inside me. Ruka-kun, and it's been so long, I don't think he's done that since we were together, even before Kakashi, when we played around sometimes, he never…_

Hazel eyes focused in on darker brown ones, and the sentence he'd been planning to utter disappeared. "Please, Ruka."

Iruka gave a little laugh and pressed a soft kiss to warm skin just uncovered as he popped another button. "Anything you want, Gen-chan, I'm yours now." The words sent a shiver down his spine, and he felt as if they said exactly the thing he was supposed to be avoiding. Genma's. He couldn't be all Genma's, because he belonged to so many other people as well, not just Tetsu and Zumo but all his friends, and Kakashi in some way, always, and his students and his comrades and…

The sensei forced the thoughts away. He wasn't going to second-guess every single thing he said to his lover, wasn't going to ruin what was between them with over-thinking and fear, just as he wasn't going to let it engulf him. He slid his tongue across Genma's skin as he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off his arms carefully, exploring his lover's skin, strewing kisses and licks across the scarred and marred and perfect chest, unsurprised when Genma's hands came down to tangle in his hair.

The lighter tan hands remained tangled in chocolate locks for as long as they could, as Iruka's mouth wandered over Genma, finishing with his chest to slide down and play around his belly as Iruka's slightly-unsteady hands went down to unfasten Genma's pants, as he slid his tongue over the tip of Genma's shaft while pulling the pants down, as Genma squirmed a bit to get them off.

The grip on Iruka's hair wasn't given up as the younger man slid his mouth down over Genma's member, lip playing along the bottom of the shaft, teeth just barely touching the top of it. Brown eyes and hazel locked. Everything stopped, every bit of motion fell away for a long moment as they merely rested their, Genma's hands in Iruka's hair, Iruka's mouth closed over Genma, a pose they had found themselves in more times than they could remember, years ago, when their life together had been something they thought would never end.

The sensei let his mouth slide off with a slight pop, and slid up his lover's body, arms going around him tightly, mouth meeting mouth in a devouring kiss, hungry, full of need for an assurance that they truly were here again, this was truly them again, not play, not a stolen moment. Tongue slid across tongue, both experienced now, no slight hesitation from the younger man as he tried to get his bearings, no wondering "Am I doing this right? Am I good enough for him?", no fear on the older man's part that he was taking advantage, going too far, taking love he couldn't give back.

The intensity quivered in the air, within them, around them, every bit of energy they had seeming to meld itself into the kiss, the moment, the understanding between them. Kissing became touching, exploring each other's bodies, bumping against each other almost awkwardly in the rush to have some kind of connection, something, anything linking them further physically.

Iruka had almost forgotten what he'd offered by the time Genma reached out behind them for lube and pressed it into his hand, too caught up, not caring about sexual release beyond this emotional release that he'd needed. He laughed easily and took the bottle, upended it with one hand in a motion that he'd learned from Genma in the first place, and then slid slick fingers around to explore Genma's passage, gently preparing him.

Any moans Genma might have made as he was touched were swallowed up by a hot mouth against his own, and he slid his arms around to caress his lover's back, the scar tissue there, still new to him in some odd way though it had been there for years now, because it hadn't been when Iruka was young, when they had first met, fallen in love, all those years ago. He let his fingers trail over it, learn every bump and ridge, because it was this man now that he loved, not just the image of the young Iruka he had lost.

No words passed between them, no need for the "I love you's" or "are you ready" or "is this okay?", no need either for "you're so hot" or "I want you" or "fuck me already" because everything was understood between them, their bodies and their minds and hearts known to each other for so long they could have spoken for one another easily, their shared history a palpable part of their lovemaking now.

By the time Iruka finally entered him, Genma was more than ready, pressed eagerly against his partner's flesh, so that they were joined quickly and smoothly, Iruka laying pressed close to him, the tokujo's legs spread on either side of the familiar beloved body, eyes meeting eyes, lips meeting lips.

Nothing more than grinding, rocking, for a long moment, and then deep slow thrusts, their bodies pressing as close as they could to each other. Genma's body was tight around Iruka, pulling him, drawing them both closer to the edge they'd already fallen over in all the ways that mattered, drawing their bodies to the ecstasy they had already created for themselves.

Their moans mingled together, and Iruka slid a hand around to touch Genma's erection, pressed between them, wrapping around it and sliding so gently with his thrusts, taking care of him, giving him pleasure. One especially slow thrust ground right against the older man's sweet spot just as Iruka's hand gave a particularly firm pull, and the mischievous grin that touched the sensei's face told his lover it had been planned that way.

Genma went wild, Iruka's name on his lips, his whole body clenching and releasing at once, the pressure that had been building inside him for days with the whole mess their romantic lives had been letting go, and he came between them, streaking white across two shades of tan skin.

His lover followed close behind, pressing into him a couple of more times, riding out Genma's orgasm, appreciating the spasming around him, the look on Genma's face, the single tear that trailed down his cheek. Then he was over the edge himself, his vision turning dark and every bit of his attention on his lover. He whispered in Genma's ear, nonsense, something about love maybe, or some bit of their history he wasn't even sure.

But what Genma heard was very clear, and the words made him smile. "One must begin simply…"

It was an hour later when a completely nude tan body slid out of the bed and roamed towards the kitchen to get a glass of water, to find the owner of the apartment sprawled on the couch watching porn, not even touching himself, just watching. "I take it you were disappointed you didn't get screaming and begging and dirty talk?" Iruka asked teasingly.

Kotetsu gave a little sad sigh, but his face turned up in a smile. "Listen to? Hell, I was going to watch… cracked the door and everything, but you two were so caught up you didn't even notice. And what I saw…" The smile widened, "Nah, I'm not disappointed. Wasn't going to watch that, though, just like I wouldn't let you watch if Izumo and I were making love that way."

Iruka gulped his glass of water and then plopped down on the couch beside his friend. "Mmm, it was nice," he said softly.

Kotetsu raised an eyebrow. "He's still gone after breakfast, and you can kindly get your sex-smelling ass off my couch before I decide you need another round, unless you want to at least give my lonely self head or something."

Iruka snickered and moved, heading back to his bed in his friend's home to curl up around his lover, dropping off to sleep more readily than he had in weeks.


	10. Ch 21: Play but not play

**Chapter 21: Play but not **_**Play**_

Namiashi Raidou was very nervous. He'd spent half an hour looking in the mirror, trying to pep-talk himself for the evening, before Anko wandered in and gave him a little sigh.

"You don't have to impress them, Rai. They're your friends. They've been your friends your whole damn life, and that's why you're doing this, remember?" The kunoichi came up behind him and stood on tiptoe to lean her head over the bigger man's shoulder and kiss his cheek, her eyes straying to the image they made in the mirror.

"I know," Raidou said quietly, automatically pulling away from the touch, though one broad hand slid across her head as if in apology. "That's why I'm so nervous about it. I need this to work. I have to be able to do this, because I can't lose my best friends."

Anko took the physical rejection in stride, used to it from her friend, having long since accepted his lack of comfort with touch sometimes. _And, honestly, it's a lot better now than it used to be. Shiranui did a good job on him in that way, and someday I'm hoping to have a reason to thank him for it._

Smiling, she moved to lean against the mirror, blocking his view of it. "You won't lose them. Even if you completely blow tonight, make an ass of yourself, or hell, treat them the way they deserve to be treated after being such self-absorbed brats, they'll still care about you. They might have fucked things up right now, but they're good guys underneath it all, and one little wrong note between you isn't going to make you lose them."

Raidou shook his head and smiled. "You're good at the pep-talk thing, you know that, Anko-chan?" He leaned down to give her a hug, slipped his lips across her cheek in the barest of kisses, and went about finishing getting ready.

"Yeah," she said softly at his retreating form, leaning a little more heavily against mirror and wall. Her smile widened, and she leaned her cheek on her hand, thoughtfully.

At Genma's house, the atmosphere was filled with much the same nervous energy. He hadn't bought any furniture. He'd been living as if camping in his own home still, items tucked away in boxes, broad empty spaces in each room. The living room had a fresh coat of sunny yellow paint, the kitchen a soft shade of blue, his bedroom a darker green. He was glad that at least he'd managed to get the paint smell out of the house already, but it still didn't seem quite right to have company over with the condition of the house, the bareness of it.

Iruka shrugged his shoulders at Genma when he whined this for the billionth time. "Is Raidou really company, Gen-chan? I know you broke up and he moved out and everything, but even when we were younger, and he didn't live here, he acted as if he did, cleaned up after parties with us, spent almost as much time here as he did at home. I think it would feel wrong to worry about whether your place is nice enough when inviting him over."

"It does feel wrong," Genma admitted softly, turning his head and resting it against the wall, his senbon rolling from one side of his mouth to the other. "Okay, so we'll have a little picnic. Play cards in the floor, drink some sake, eat the sandwiches we made. It'll be fine, Raidou won't give a damn that there's no table or no chairs or… he won't care. Hell, it'll be just like all the damn times we didn't use the furniture anyway because we were drunk enough we didn't want to fall off."

The younger man chuckled and reached out to run a hand through his lover's silky hair. "Yup, just like old times. Now get things set up, okay? I'm going to dig us up some cards from the boxes."

The knock at the door came sooner than they expected, and Iruka found himself running to answer it, Genma sitting in the floor as if frozen in place. Two men stood, a door open between them, for a long moment, scarred faces naked with a strange vulnerability and fresh pain. Then the moment was past them, and the younger and smaller of the two men was stepping forward, wrapping his hands around his friend, whispering, "Thank you, Raidou."

The big man wasn't sure what he was being thanked for, exactly, and chose not to think about it. Probably just for coming over, but one never knew with Iruka, not without asking anyway. Raidou's thoughts drifted back to the day when he'd been playing cards with Iruka last in this same house, only then he'd been the one who had answered the door, because he had lived there. They had hugged then too, and that had been when Raidou had asked Iruka if he'd be angry at him if he broke up with Genma.

So much had changed since then.

Nothing had changed since then. Iruka still felt comfortable in his arms, was still his trusted friend. Raidou let the man hold on as long as he wanted, and when he was released, he easily stepped past him into the house, taking in the new colors as he went. The sunny yellow of the living room made him give a low whistle, and the man sitting in the middle of the floor on a blanket with food spread around him for a picnic looked up and smiled.

There was a moment of silence as Raidou and Iruka took their places on the blanket, a moment of awkward shifting as Raidou walked over and paused, then took up a position that forced the younger shinobi to sit between him and his ex-lover. Iruka took it in stride, smiling and leaning down to kiss his boyfriend and then reaching out a hand to pat the scars on Raidou's cheek, the gesture accepted in a way it wouldn't have been if it had come from Genma.

Time passed. Moments ticked away on the clock, food was consumed, sake eased what surprisingly little tension there was. When the cards came out, Raidou immediately took them, and dealt, and when the chuunin of the group saw what was being dealt, he gasped.

Raidou nodded at him, then looked past Iruka to Genma, eyes meeting, a wry smile playing over his lips. "From now on, no more secrets between us three. Ever. I'm going to teach Genma the game Iruka and I play, and you two…"

He slid his eyes from one to the other, taking in the energy that already seemed to mingle between them, the way they had taken up where they left off, only now the tinge of insecurity and intensity between them wasn't there, the instability he'd worried himself sick over for both their sakes around the time they broke up. "You two are going to be your ridiculously sweet, disgustingly happy selves and not worry about hurting me."

Two mouths opened at once, but Raidou merely shook his head, a warning. "Nope, you don't get to talk yet. Neither of you. Now…"

He started in explaining the rules of the game, moving easily through the different ways to set the cards down, how you started playing the cards in descending order, then switched to alternating colors, suits, changed directions, each in turn. "It's not about the cards, it's about keeping track of how they're being played without having to think about it. You lose your concentration, and you lose. If I have to stop and try to figure out which style of play we're on, I'm done."

Genma waxed philosophical, in his own mind, about the way their lives had been the same, jumping from one way of relating to each other to another, and trying so hard to keep up. Even now he was trying hard to keep up, to sit with the two men he loved most in the world and remember, after everything that had happened between the three of them, exactly where things stood now.

A half hour later, Raidou was cocking his head and kicking the senbon-chewing man. "Hey, jerk, I think staring off into space like that counts as a loss, even if you're not looking at the cards."

Genma jumped. Iruka laughed easily and made his best fake-scowl. "Hey, Rai-rai, that happens to be my boyfriend you're abusing. Please leave him at least reasonably in one piece for me."

There was a half-second of tension, and then Raidou smiled and kicked Genma again. "Make me, sen…seiiiii!"

A dark blur raised itself from the blanket, knocking over a cup, and lunged across the blanket to attack, Iruka landing heavily on his friend, cards flying all around them. Genma made a grab for his boyfriend, ready to stop the fight before it managed to get out of hand, but Raidou was too fast, snaking out a hand and jerking Genma down with them.

The wrestling match that ensued made a huge mess. Sake and plates and cards everywhere, the deck destined for the trash, spotted and smelling of alcohol and bent. It ended with Genma and Raidou teaming up on the youngest member of their little group and tickling him, much as it would have in the old days, and Iruka admitting defeat and panting and lying back against the floor, a smile making its way through the exhaustion.

Genma smiled as well. Raidou didn't _play_, but Raidou still played, and everything was going to be fine, just fucking fine, thank you very much.

Izumo came home to his apartment after his mission and deactivated his traps with chakra, then carefully stepped over the threshold, knowing better than to believe he was safe. He'd given the biggest prankster he knew access to his home, and there was a price to be paid, had to be.

He spent over an hour walking through the rooms looking for any kind of sign as to where the trap lay or what its nature was. There was nothing. Frustrated and feeling a little unloved, he finally took himself off to the shower, leaving his uniform scattered across the floor, messily.

He checked the shampoo bottle, the soap, everything, but it all looked and smelled right, no sign of any strange dyes or fragrances having been added. He shook his head, stepped into the tiny stall, and turned on the water.

The chakra tag stuck to the back of the shower stall activated. It waited the required couple of minutes, just long enough to hopefully give Izumo time to actually get clean, and then whisked him away, the teleportation jutsu plopping him down in the middle of Kotetsu's kitchen, dripping.

"What the hell?" he squeaked.

The two men eating dinner seemed unfazed. "Just be glad you didn't come home in the middle of his classes, he had to set to bring you wherever he was," Kotetsu lied, knowing full well the destination had always been his apartment.

Izumo blushed and turned to glare at Iruka, who merely leaned over and licked playfully at the water running down his friend's belly. "Come on, now, you know you'd have been offended if I hadn't done _something _to you." He stood and walked past the younger men, headed for the bathroom and a towel for his wet friend.

The other two men stood and looked at each other for a second, and then Kotetsu stood and walked over and whisked Izumo into his arms. "I missed you."

"Missed you too," Izumo replied softly, burying his face in his best friend's neck. "Getting you wet," he added, smiling against the uniform shirt his hair was currently drenching.

"Always do," Kotetsu replied playfully, reaching out to accept the towel Iruka tossed in the room at them.

Izumo wanted to turn to look at the man standing in the doorway behind them, but Kotetsu was busily drying his hair, so instead he called out to him. "Ruka, tell me your news."

The dark-skinned chuunin paused in mid-step, as he had turned on his heel and started to walk away, wanting to give the two their privacy. He was reminded again how much he didn't really understand their relationship, but that too was fine, because it wasn't his to understand, and his relationship _to _them was something he was starting to understand at least.

"He said yes. I went to see him, and we talked, and… we're doing fine. Genma and I… it's better than I imagined it could be, in all those years we were apart." Iruka chuckled at how ridiculous he sounded.

Kotetsu pulled the towel away, kissed the scar on Izumo's neck, and then stepped away. A slender hand reached out to pet his cheek, a silent 'thank you' and then Izumo turned, slid across the floor and embraced Iruka. "I'm happy for you. And glad you're still here, too."

Iruka hugged Izumo close against him, and smiled over his head at Kotetsu, who smiled back. The uniformed chuunin cocked his head for a second, thinking, and then took a few steps across the floor, putting his arms around both of his friends, pulling on Iruka's ponytail and then kissing Izumo's cheek in turn.

Life settled into a pattern. Iruka came and went easily from Kotetsu's apartment, sometimes Izumo's, occasionally spending a night at the house Genma was slowly and carefully furnishing to his own taste alone.

Parties were held. Naruto came to one almost a month after the night Iruka, Genma, and Raidou had played cards, and spent the entire night holed up in a corner with his old sensei, talking, telling Iruka all the things he'd missed during the time that they'd been apart, that Naruto had been busy taking care of Kakashi to spend time with him.

He didn't ask how the man he'd spent three years with was doing. The young blond didn't offer, talking easily about the politics he was more and more embroiled in, about his training, about his shy girlfriend and the likelihood that he was going to ask for her hand in marriage any day now.

It was almost a month after that when Iruka looked out his classroom one day to see a silver-haired man in an Anbu mask giving him a deep bow before flitting away, off on another mission no doubt. He smiled and whispered aloud, "Be safe, Kakashi," though the man was already gone, couldn't have heard the words anyway, not through the glass.

"I miss him," he admitted, to himself in that moment. "I miss him," he repeated that evening to Izumo, the three of them sitting on Kotetsu's couch and watching a movie.

"Damn it. I'm going out."

Izumo and Iruka both looked at Kotetsu in surprise as he stood, shoved his feet into his shoes and walked out the door, not offering any explanation. The spiky-haired chuunin's back was tense, Iruka could see that much, and then he was gone, and Iruka didn't know what had happened. He looked to his other friend to see, and Izumo gave a small sigh.

"He's probably going to go see Genma," Izumo replied, scooting closer on the couch and putting his arms around his friend. He had been pleasantly surprised to discover that even after Iruka and Genma got back together that nothing had changed between himself and Iruka, the touches between them flowing just as easily, no feeling of holding back or worry over whether it was okay within Iruka's relationship.

Iruka gave a little sigh. "Yes, I suppose I shouldn't have said that, in front of Kotetsu. I know he and Genma have become friends, more so than you and Gen have. I just… I miss Kakashi. It's not like I'm going to overturn everything I'm building and run to him, but we said we would be friends, and we haven't managed it, quite."

Izumo nuzzled his friend's neck. "You only broke up a few months ago. These things take time, Ruka, you can't expect him to just be all okay and comfortable right away. And you told me what Naruto said, that Kakashi is starting to act like himself again, like he was before the two of you were together…"

"That's the problem!" Iruka snapped. He blushed and hid his face in Izumo's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Zumo, I'll sorry. It's just, that's the problem, ultimately, that he's going back to not being a part of anyone's life, not having anyone to care about him. It's not like the kids don't try, but they all have their own lives. And the only close friends I remember him having are Hayate and Genma and Asuma, and two of those people are dead, and one… I think he and Genma have talked a couple of times, but they don't seem to be as close anymore."

Izumo shook his head and stood, disentangling himself from his friend. "I think I'm with Tetsu on this one, Ruka. I would love to sit here and comfort you and tell you everything is going to be okay, because you know I love you. But I can't, because honestly you're the only one who can find a way to make it okay now. You need to talk to Kakashi, and you need to talk to Genma, and damn it if I see you jumping from one to the other of them again, I'm going to be pissed." His normally calm and easy demeanor was gone, the slight man clenching his fists, tossing his hair out of his eyes so he could use them both to glare at his friend.

Iruka flinched, then slid off the couch and embraced his friend, unfazed by the way Izumo's muscles remained tense. "Thank you. Zumo, thank you. I needed that. I'm being a brat again, and I have to stop, and so I'll be a big boy and suck it up and talk to Kakashi about how much his friendship means to me, without turning it into something it can't be. Because I won't leave Genma, not now."

Izumo pulled back and placed a kiss on Iruka's cheek, but there was a thoughtful look in his eyes, and he filed a thought away in the back of his mind to present to Kotetsu when he returned.


	11. Chapter 22: Finding Kakashi

Chapter 22: Finding Kakashi

The initial conversation took place in Kotetsu's bed, a whisper between lovers resting comfortably together after lovemaking. The moment it was understood what Izumo's idea was, Kotetsu sat up, the sheet he had pulled over them both sliding off his chest, strong lean arms sliding up to surround him as Izumo followed the movement.

"Would it work?" was all he asked, and the other chuunin tipped his head and shrugged, buried his face in Kotetsu's neck to kiss it as he thought about the answer to that question. There was no answer, yet, he simply didn't know, so instead Izumo slid his lips around to Kotetsu's ear and nipped it, whispered, "Genma first. You ask him. Then we'll see."

A nod, and then Kotetsu was the one filing information away for later use, because Izumo's hand had wandered down beneath the sheet and slid over his cock, gently fondling, urging it towards hardness again. Of course. Plotting always made Izumo horny, and Kotetsu certainly wasn't going to miss out on the benefits of the mess they were about to get themselves into.

Two days later, drinking beer on Genma's couch, the next advance. Kotetsu's head was lolling against the side of the couch, and he had that 'I've lost count' look even though he happened to know exactly how much beer he had ingested and that it was far below the amount it would take to get him truly drunk.

His legs were hooked over the lap of the man sitting on the couch with him, a warm tan hand reaching out comfortably to tickle his foot, laughter passing easily between them. He didn't love Genma like he loved Iruka, but they'd become the sort of friend they hadn't been back in the old days, even when sometimes lines had been crossed sexually. He would never have lounged on Genma's couch with him this way then, even if he would have let the man fuck him. Strange how that worked.

Back to the question at hand, he met comfortably fuzzy hazel eyes and started softly, "Zumo and I have been doing some thinking…"

A few days after that, unaware of the plotting, Iruka was knocking on Kakashi's door. He hadn't seen the apartment his ex-boyfriend had moved into yet, the one their mutual former students had picked out and set up for him. He hadn't seen anything, hadn't been a part of the man's life in the time since their breakup, despite the friendship they had hoped to build. He was remedying that now.

The man who answered the door looked comfortably disheveled. His gray hair stuck out at its usual crazy angles, and he wore a pair of worn blue jeans, a t-shirt with a mask built right into it. He looked better than Iruka had expected, not exhausted like he had the time they had met at the stone, and it was obvious that he was no longer trying to kill himself with mission after mission in a row.

"Hey, Iruka," Kakashi said calmly, standing back from the door, inviting the man inside. His voice didn't hold any of the false brightness he had offered the first few times he had handed a report to Iruka after their breakup, nor did it hold the pain from the moment they had shared at the memorial. Only affection and a slight note of sadness.

"Hey, Kakashi," came the reply, as Iruka took the unspoken invitation, stepped inside, slipped his shoes off. The little entryway led into a decent-sized living room, decorated tastefully in neutral shades, and he smiled as he saw how carefully Sakura and Naruto had considered their choices, how much the place screamed of the essence of the man who lived there. "Nice place."

Kakashi waved towards the couch, took a seat in an armchair himself. "Yeah, I like it. Not as nice as…" and he paused, realizing he had almost said 'our place was' but he simply shrugged and let it go. "I like it."

Brown eyes slid closed for a second, and then opened again, and Iruka made his way over to the couch, sitting carefully, his posture a little stiff. But the words that came out were familiar, not polite as he'd planned. "Kashi, how are you… really? I saw you look in my window at the academy the other day…"

The mask was pulled down carefully, slowly, as if revealing his face to Iruka was something Kakashi was unsure about, despite the fact that the man had seen it a million times before, now. "I'm sorry. Did that make you uncomfortable?"

"No. It made me… happy. Sad. Worried. Hopeful…" Iruka paused as he realized what he sounded like, and he gave a little sigh. "We're not friends, are we? We weren't friends before we were lovers, and we aren't now… I want to be, though."

"Greedy." The smile that spread over Kakashi's face didn't quite line up with what he was saying, but his voice said he was sincere. "Want to have your cake and eat it too, Sensei." He hadn't forgotten what he said though, sitting by the gate to the training ground, and the words rolled around in his head, clinking together like stones. _I'll be your friend, maybe even your bed partner sometimes, if you feel you want that…_

He had been standing by the idea that it wasn't his job to take the first step to becoming friends. He wasn't the one who had fucked everyone over, messed everything up. For all that he'd been more than kind about everything, he could only go so far. So he had waited, and now, Iruka was here. But Kakashi said nothing to take the sting from his words, let it rest at that.

"I know." The words came easily to the teacher's lips, followed by a smile. A real one, not the bright fake 'my life sucks' smile. A tentative little hopeful smile. He didn't defend himself, didn't apologize.

Kakashi laughed and leaned back in his chair, bare feet stretching out to kick lightly at Iruka's leg. "Okay, so you admit you've been a jerk. And I admit that I've been retreating into my own little world again, and I shouldn't be allowed to do that if you can't. So, what are we doing now?"

Iruka looked down at where Kakashi's foot still rested close to his own, and kicked back. "I don't have a damn clue. But we're talking, and I like that."

Ironically, that was the comment that slid them into the silence that would last over half an hour before they broke it, but Iruka found that he liked just sitting with Kakashi now just as much as he had when he first became close to the man, first opened up to him on that night so long ago.

Genma was beyond exhausted. He had been thinking himself in circles for days, trying to figure it out. He wanted to blame Kotetsu for bringing the idea up to him in the first place. He wanted to blame Izumo for thinking it up.

He wanted to blame himself for not thinking of it first. He wanted to blame Iruka for not doing so.

He wanted to take a risk, and he was afraid, and he wanted to find Kakashi, and he was afraid of that too.

He managed to keep it out of his head most of the time, at the mission room, when he was working. At the bar, afterwards, which was equally work, even if no one but a select handful who knew what his job really was understood that. Home alone, at night or with Iruka or with their friends, it was another story, and it wouldn't get out of his head.

Tonight, he was at the bar again, alone. Supposedly working. He had managed to check into a couple of worrisome rumors involving the relationship between a genin and their sensei before his mind spun out of control again.

The cause of his sudden lack of attention towards collecting intelligence was a certain silver-haired jounin who sat down at the bar next to him, ordered two beers, and slid one over in front of Genma. "Evening, Gen."

As if nothing had happened. As if Genma hadn't stolen his boyfriend. As if they were just as much friends as they had ever been. Words were forming on his lips before he could stop them. "Are you some kind of saint, Hatake?"

A strong hand reached out and clapped Genma on the back, and laughter came from behind the mask. "Nope. And just so you know where we stand, I'd take Ruka back in a heartbeat, yours or not, so don't think me buying you a beer means you're safe. But we might as well be friends… remember how we stopped talking to each other for a couple months back when you were still a chuunin? And then I fell into your lap at the guard station, bloody and half-dead?"

Genma nodded and took a sip of his beer. "Yeah, I felt like a right prick, couldn't even remember what we were fighting over then, just that you'd damn near died and I was holding some dumb grudge. Why didn't I learn from that? Rai said much the same thing to me, that what Iruka and I forget, because we don't go on missions everyday, is that any one of us could die at any moment, and we don't have the luxury of those kinds of petty things. I do still go on missions, sometimes, of course, but I have to admit that I don't think about it the same way anymore." He flipped his senbon from one side of his mouth to the other, took a deep breath. "Sorry."

The copy ninja was out of his chair in seconds, grabbing Genma by his collar and dragging him off his barstool. "Don't you ever fucking apologize to me over him. He's worth more than that. If I never talked to you again in your lifetime, you should still feel like it was worth it, do you hear me, Shiranui?"

The sudden change of mood had Genma shaken, but he didn't show it. The senbon between his lips was still held loosely, with just enough pressure to keep it in place despite the rough treatment. Heavy-lidded hazel eyes focused on Kakashi, faint reproach in the gaze. "Wasn't apologizing to you for him. Never would. Apologizing for not understanding the things that are important, sometimes."

The grip on his collar relaxed, and Genma caught himself against the bar, smiling. "We should really go elsewhere if we want to fight, Kakashi."

The silver head shook. "Don't want to fight. Just a misunderstanding. Just… he came to visit me. Did he tell you? We're supposed to go out to dinner in a day or so. When we're actually in the same place, it's easier, like… he and I can deal with things, together. It's as soon as he's gone that I start to wonder…"

Genma picked up his beer and chugged it, didn't take his seat again. People were looking at them now, and if anyone knew how much ninja gossiped, it was Shiranui Genma. "Come on, Kakashi, let's have this talk elsewhere. Whole damn town doesn't need to hear our drama."

The younger man nodded, finished his own beer, put some money on the bar. The bartender raised an eyebrow at him, waited until they had actually moved away to pick the money up. He was new there, and already thinking he was going to get his ass out of the shinobi district and find a nice civilian bar to work at instead. The deadly intent that had existed for the barest moment between the two men who were obviously friends was not something he wanted to deal with on a regular basis.

Outside, in the cool clear air, Kotetsu's words pounding in his head, Genma stepped very close to Kakashi, and said softly, "I think you should make it a date, that dinner."

An obvious gape behind the mask. Comical. Genma laughed lightly, set his hand on Kakashi's arm, steered him around a corner. He rambled, because he wasn't sure how to explain. "He misses you. The little monkeys think… he's not going to be happy. I think so too, and it hurts me, and you know I'd give anything to see him happy. I'm not saying I am going to leave him, but you said before that you would take anything you could get from him, that anything he needed was okay…"

Kakashi finally shut his jaw, closed his eyes and leaned against a nearby wall, forcing a stop. "No. I said 'as long as he came home to me'. He isn't coming home to me now, if I ask him out, if something happens between us."

"No, he's not."

Slamming his head back into the wall, Kakashi slid down it, his ass hitting pavement hard. "You and those fucking nosy 'monkeys' as you call them, did you even fucking ask Iruka what he wants before you told me this?"

"No, we didn't. He's the one who said he missed you. And I'm not telling you that he'll say yes if you ask him, just that you should ask." Genma stood his ground, looking down at his friend, his eyes soft but his mouth set in a grim line.

"He's still yours, in the end, isn't he? Whatever Kotetsu or Izumo or me or anyone else does…" Kakashi slammed his head into the wall again, but didn't protest when Genma sat down beside him, calmly put his hand up to cradle the back of his head, keeping it from the wall. The tiny spot of blood dotting his hair went unmentioned, a scrape, nothing more.

Genma chewed on the thin metal in his mouth, thinking about that question. "He always was, wasn't he?"

The eye was still closed, the face blank behind the mask, giving away nothing. The younger man's head drifted down to lean on his old friend's shoulder, physically affectionate in a way that had never existed between them before, but he needed, in this moment. _That's what I like about Genma too, I've never asked this from him before, and yet he gives it, easily._

"You don't see anyone but him, do you? He lives with Kotetsu and Izumo, is obviously involved with them, but you…"

Genma shrugged. "I don't so much need to, I guess. I _play, _occasionally, with Kotetsu. Or when Iruka is there, with him and the others. I don't really see anyone else, though, no. Not them or anyone. I don't need it."

"That doesn't sound… fair," Kakashi said quietly.

"It's plenty fair. I could if I wanted to, and I don't choose to take advantage of it. That's on me, not him, not Kotetsu or Izumo or anyone else." Genma petted his friend's hair, leaning his own head against the wall.

"If he and I were… did… whatever, you still wouldn't see anyone else?"

Genma gave another little half-shrug, careful not to jostle Kakashi where he leaned against him. "Probably not."

Kakashi nodded, sat in silence for a moment, then pulled away, sat looking at Genma for a moment. There was nothing but kindness and affection in the man's eyes, nothing but understanding and generosity and hope in his smile. Kakashi gave his own lopsided smile, obvious through his mask for anyone who knew him well enough, and said very quietly, "I'll think about it."

There was a nod, a moment where two hands grasped each other in the strong grip of a warrior, and then both shinobi were gone, nothing to mark that anything had happened there but a tiny dot of blood on the wall.


	12. Chapter 23: Never Giving Up

Chapter 23: Never Giving Up

"I'm getting too old for this job," thought Genma as he left the last bar of the night, his head swimming with gossip and the conversation he'd had with Kakashi halfway through his evening. He had a horrible headache, and he was starting to wish he'd drank half as much alcohol as he'd pretended to this evening. At least if he had, he'd be drunk enough to just pass out and not deal with the pain in his head.

Instead, he found himself knocking on Kotetsu's door. The spiky-haired man answered almost immediately, and Genma didn't doubt that his chakra was pulsing with the exhaustion and pain he felt, and had alerted his friend to his presence. _My friend, because he is, now. He wasn't back in the old days, whatever else happened between us, but now he's my friend, him and 'Zumo both._

The affectionate look he gave Kotetsu must have been strange or amusing, because Genma found himself being laughed at and swept into a hug. "Come on. Ruka's not here, but you go in and rest, and I'll go grab him for you, if it's him you're here to see?"

Genma considered saying 'no' for a minute, because he really wouldn't mind Kotetsu's company, but he felt he had to talk to Iruka before Kakashi could. "Yeah, I really should talk to him. I talked to Kakashi tonight."

Kotetsu arched a brow, considered asking, then shook his head and ushered Genma in. "Go sit down. Or lay down, hell, you look exhausted. I'll find Ruka, he's probably just at 'Zumo's place."

Giving Kotetsu's shoulder a grateful little squeeze, the older man made his way into the apartment and flopped down on the couch, his eyes immediately closing to try to keep out the light, hoping the pounding in his head would dull. Kotetsu took the hint, hit the light switch on his way out, and took off at a run.

It couldn't have been more than ten minutes later that Iruka came through the door, took a look around the dark room, lifted Genma's head and slid beneath it, so that it rested on his lap. He knew the tokujo was awake, but his lover hadn't said anything when he came in the room, and Iruka knew what that meant. His hands reached out automatically to slide the bandana off the man's head, start rubbing at his temples, pressing soothing healing chakra into the touch.

Genma didn't know why it worked when Iruka did it. He couldn't manage it himself, but it wasn't just that. None of the medics seemed to be able to manage getting his headaches to go away either, which the psyche-nins had interesting things to say about, mostly along the lines of "it's in your head in more ways than one."

But Iruka's touch and chakra soothed the pain, and Genma let himself relax into it, for several long moments, simply rested his head in his lover's lap and let himself be soothed, taken care of. He didn't want to mention what he wanted to speak with Iruka about until after his head felt better, and he wondered if that was greedy and selfish of him, but… _maybe it's okay to be, in small ways, sometimes. As long as I'm not in the things that matter. _

When it was done, when he could open his eyes and not feel like his head was going to explode, Genma did so, looking up into the sweet face of the man he'd been in love with for so many years. "Thank you."

The younger man gave a small smile, brushed his hand through Genma's hair, and asked softly, "Do you feel okay now? You look tired."

Genma turned his head, rubbed it a little against Iruka's leg. "Tired, yes. From work, and from… thinking too much. I saw Kakashi tonight. He bought me a beer."

"Oh? Did he say something to you that upset you?" Iruka's mind was spinning. He had mentioned that he was having dinner with Kakashi to his boyfriend before, so that wouldn't be news. And somehow he just couldn't see Kakashi saying anything to upset Genma on purpose.

"No. It wasn't him." _He didn't cause my headache. Izumo did by suggesting you date Kakashi, Kotetsu did by telling me, I did by telling Kakashi it was okay. Not Kakashi himself. Not you either._

His voice went soft, and he opened his eyes and looked up into Iruka's. "Ruka, love, when you told Zumo and Tetsu that you missed Kakashi, they didn't seem to think it was in a way that was going to just get better with time, or that could be fixed by being friends with him again."

Iruka gave a quiet little sigh, shook his head. "Gen-chan…"

A smile spread over Genma's face. "It's okay, Ru. I'm not upset. Or hurt. I promise. But you might be upset at me when you hear what I told Kakashi tonight."

Iruka's eyes grew a little wary, but he sat still, Genma's head still head in his lap. He wound fingers into soft honey hair and waited, not sure what he expected to hear, but a little worried. _If he's trying to just hand me back… he can't do that. I made my own choice._

Genma didn't go straight to what he'd told Kakashi. He knew better, knew what it would look like, how the reasoning would be misunderstood. Instead, he started with heading off the questions he knew Iruka would have.

"Ruka-kun, I like the way things are right now, you know? Us not living in the same place, spending time with our friends, those sorts of things. It's really nice to ease back into things, give ourselves time to figure out where we are in our own lives, not just jump in and devour each other." He nuzzled against Iruka's leg, reached out a hand to capture the one in his hair, holding onto it. He was trying to be careful, to present the subject the right way, but the circumspectness was starting to make him feel like a liar, and he couldn't have that.

"I don't understand why, if you'll be involved with Kotetsu and Izumo, if we both are, you can't just make your dinner with Kakashi a date. You two are really good together, were really good together, and you're the one who thought he needed you to only be with him. He… he could do this, what we do, you know?"

Genma just barely managed to get a hand under himself in order to keep his head from hitting the floor. He lay stunned for a moment, not sure what had happened, and then looked up at the man who had just so violently ejected him from his lap.

Iruka was standing across the room, eyes wide. It was obvious he hadn't dumped his boyfriend off the couch on purpose, simply moved himself without realizing that Genma's position depended on his own. He stood against the wall, and through the small amounts of light coming from the other room, Genma couldn't see his expression.

"He can? Did he say he could?" Iruka asked quietly, and he wasn't looking at Genma, though shame was creeping up within him that his lover had fallen because of him.

The older man sat up, slowly, crossed his legs and rubbed at his temple, but the headache was still gone, thankfully, mercifully. "Not exactly. He said he'd think about it. But I know him. I've known him since before you did, I used to be the person he came to when he needed a friend, you know? He'll ask."

Iruka sat down in the closest chair, not moving back toward Genma any more than he had to, and let his eyes slide closed, his head falling back against the chair. Behind his eyelids, he could see a young man in a mask, only a little older than himself, coming and sitting in Genma's living room. He could see them sitting for hours, not talking, not touching beyond a pale white hand clenched in a larger tan one. _He learned that from Genma, the way he dealt with me when we first got together. Everything comes back to Gen-chan, for us both. And neither of us even seemed to remember each other, knowing each other, from before. But we knew each other through Gen then, before we realized it._

He couldn't figure it out, couldn't decide what these things meant, if anything. But it had been Genma who talked him back into the world when he'd been determined to hide out forever a few years ago, and without that, he wouldn't have responded to Kakashi either. Was that what was happening now? Genma getting him into a place where he _could_, and then handing him over to Kakashi?

"Like us? Like us and Zumo and Tetsu? Not… you're not trying to just give me back?" The voice was very small, and Iruka swallowed, hard, wished he didn't sound so pathetic.

Shiranui Genma had always been fast, when he needed to be. Within seconds he was kneeling by the chair, his hand reaching out for one of Iruka's, his eyes looked up through the semi-darkness into his lover's eyes. "Never. Iruka, never, even if he asked me to. Even if you told me to. I'm never giving you up now, for anything, for anyone. If you leave me, you'll have to expect me to follow you around like a lost little puppy dog or something. I'm not giving you up."

Iruka gave a little nod, squeezed the hand in his own. "Genma, I want to be just us, for tonight. I want to go back to your place, and… I want to feel like old times, you know? I know it doesn't work for us, in the long run, to do that. But just for tonight, tomorrow morning, I want to act like nothing changed, like we never broke up in the first place. Like we're coming up on our twentieth anniversary or whatever it would be."

He thought about it for a moment, did some quick math in his head. "It would be… what… seventeen? Can you image, Gen, if we had stayed together all this time?"

The words hurt. Genma wasn't sure if his lover would understand why, but… back then, it had been a 'mutual decision', but it had been Iruka who had been the smart one and realized after ten years together that they couldn't keep being together, that they weren't stable enough around each other. Genma had said 'yeah, you're right,' and he'd known his younger lover was right, but…

_If he hadn't brought it up, I would have stayed with him forever, however much we fucked each other up. _

Ten years together, seven years apart, and now together again, finally. Only they almost hadn't been, he'd sent Iruka running back to Kakashi, and it had been Iruka who had come back. And now Genma was asking Kakashi back into Iruka's life, into his own life. And Iruka wanted to pretend…

"Come on, Ruka-baby, let's go home," he said very softly, pressing a kiss to the beloved dark hand he was holding.

They cooked together, moving comfortably in the same space, the meal better called breakfast than dinner for how close to morning it was.

They sat together in almost-silence, as they ate, and then retreated to Genma's 'meditation room', the cushions on the floor still the only furniture, the only room unchanged from the old days, now.

The two men lounged on the cushions, a dark hand playing in light hair, a lighter one tracing a scarred nose.

The kiss started the same way it would have when Iruka was a teenager, they both seemed to move at once, rolled around a bit as they playfully struggled for control, and then Genma was looking down at his lover and grinning as he tickled his sides, shared laughter ringing through the big old house.

Iruka stilled, suddenly, sat up. He touched Genma's hand, said a soft, 'just wait', and looked around.

Everywhere he looked, there were ghosts of himself. The boy with the ponytail making traps, taking pictures, learning how to touch and be touched, how to love and accept love. Everywhere he could see them, him and Genma, making love on this very floor, the infamous event that had been fucking Genma into the kitchen table, the fights, the parties, the long nights of nothing but holding each other after a long time away on missions.

He'd been so young, and so determined, then. Known what he wanted and insisted on getting it, and everyone who knew him had known, it was Iruka who had his lover wrapped around his finger, who pushed and pulled and created that relationship despite Genma's original protests over his age, his innocence, Genma's own history of being 'not exactly a relationship guy.'

He'd been the one to end it too, to sit Genma down and say 'we are destroying each other', and he'd hated himself for it. In the years between that moment and his relationship with Kakashi, he and Genma had been the best of friends, had slept in each other's beds on and off, occasionally had sex.

A part of himself wondered how 'this' was different from 'that'. How if he was living with Kotetsu and Izumo and dating Kakashi, it would be different than just fucking around with Genma off and on as friends, rather than being in a relationship. He turned his head to ask the question.

Genma was still wearing his uniform pants, but as usual in his own home he'd ditched the rest of his clothing. He sat with one leg under him and the other outstretched, long and lanky, and one arm behind him held much of his weight. He had tensed, fearing danger, when Iruka sat up, but the reassuring words had done their job, and now he was merely resting, leaned back comfortably, the smile on his lips touching his hazel eyes, his mouth senbon-free for the moment.

The words died on Iruka's lips. There was nothing that needed to be asked. It wasn't the same, because of that, because of the smile on Genma's lips the equal of which he hadn't seen in their entire time 'apart', a smile he could feel mirrored on his own face. Maybe, just maybe, Raidou had been able to make Genma smile that way, but… Raidou had given him up, over Iruka. And Raidou had his own path to walk now, and seemed well. The sensei couldn't feel guilty anymore. And he couldn't doubt anymore, either, not when faced with that smile.

The flying tackle-hug caught Genma off balance, but only for a second, and then it was back to kissing and wrestling and being playful. He didn't ask what the pause had been about, didn't need to know.

Iruka was in his arms, and that was all he needed to know.


	13. Chapter 24: What Would Always Be

**Chapter 24: What Would Always Be **

_When you love someone, it's always making love, even when it's fucking. _

Iruka had been fifteen still when Genma first said those words to him. Now, over twice that age, they flashed through his head again as he writhed beneath his lover, right there on the floor, clothes and cushions scattered around them.

One strong hand rested in the middle of his back, Genma straddling the backs of his legs as he fed slicked fingers into Iruka, moans and whimpers filling the room, the position not allowing Iruka to spread his legs for easier access. "Gen-chan!" he screamed, for what felt like the millionth time, as the fingers brushed his prostate. The cushion half-trapped under him was soaked with the chuunin's pre-cum, and he was about to soak it again if Genma didn't get on with things, which Genma didn't seem in any hurry to do.

To anyone watching, it might have seemed a horribly irreverent way to spend their 'night alone', the special sacred moment they'd chosen for themselves during a transition time in their relationship. Thankfully, no one was watching, because for them, this was 'like old times', a playful wrestling match that turned into kisses and gropes and someone pinning someone to the floor, unleashing the lust that had been building in them both, the intense sexual bond between them that had never truly disappeared.

Iruka's older lover smirked, slid his hand down the broad scarred back, and then slipped the three tormenting fingers out of the younger man, finally giving in. He felt the strong body below him try to shift, Iruka attempting to get up on his knees, and halted the movement by pressing his weight down on his lover's legs.

Howling in frustration, the chuunin tried again, and was denied again. He squirmed and wiggled for a moment, and then felt Genma's own position shift a little, felt pressure as his lover pressed against him, blunt head breaching his body the tiniest bit, the tightness the position caused forcing a gasp from them both.

Suddenly there was no more struggling, the rigid flesh entering him taking precedence, the shuddering sigh that wafted down to his ears from above telling him everything he needed to know, the slickness between their skin enough to make this possible, pleasurable even, the firm thrust that came immediately after Genma seated himself speaking volumes about his lover's need for him. Iruka rode the wave, accepting the pain and pleasure and entry and thrust and _beautiful fucking noises _as they came, his own member pounded into that cushion beneath him, the friction almost painful itself.

This was Genma, the man he'd just known would eat him alive half his lifetime ago, and who now, all these years later, could still make him squirm and scream, writhe and coat himself in his own release, shamelessly beg for more even as his cock wilted, spent.

After, lying sated and slightly sore, sweaty and sticky and smiling, gentle tan hands slipped over darker tan skin, senbon-scarred lips pressed against smoother ones, nimble fingers caressed soaked chocolate locks. The younger man grinned, basking in the affection, the caresses, let himself be pampered and fussed over, cleaned up and tugged off to bed.

A few hours later, in the early morning sunlight, the chuunin woke his lover for what he called 'evening the score', smirking, and his lover laughed and called him mischief master and let himself be teased, taunted, and loved in return.

A moment, outside of time, for themselves only, making love and fucking, speaking and being silent, sharing breakfast and sharing a shower and sharing everything, and both faces held smiles even as Iruka slipped out the door, headed away from the place that was no longer his home, would always be his _home. _


	14. Chapter 25: You Want

"Should have gone to Gaho's," Iruka teased, warm brown eyes smiling as he took his seat in the little private room in the restaurant.

Kakashi pulled his mask down, watching the waiter walk away even as Iruka entered the room. He laughed, lightly. "Should have, I guess, for the 'is this a date' talk. Thought the privacy here would be nice though. Just ordered what you used to get here, is that okay?"

He felt as if he were rambling, covered his confusion with a sip of his tea. He had known this wouldn't be easy, really, had spent far too much time thinking about it, postponed this dinner once already to give himself time to work out what he wanted. Even now, he wasn't entirely sure he was ready, but he'd seen the hope in Iruka's expression when they'd talked last, and not been able to say 'no'. Perhaps that told him everything, in the end.

His smile widening, Iruka gave a little nod. "That's fine. You know what I like." He eyed Kakashi from across the table, noting the way he still looked a little thinner than he had when they were together, a little more tired. "I hope I wasn't too pushy, I just… I've been nervous about this too, since Genma told me about the conversation you had, and… wanted it out of the way, so either way we know…"

The two sat silently for a moment, the tension between them palpable in the room, and suddenly Kakashi was reminded that they'd been here the night after Iruka had gone home with Genma, when they'd both thought Iruka was coming home to Kakashi in the end. Maybe this wasn't the best place, after all. He doubted himself, wished he didn't, wanted to be sure.

With a little sigh, the jounin decided it was better just to get everything out there, and started talking. "You know, when you and I first started talking, and Genma warned you he'd talked to me, I thought he was being a horrible friend. When you and I were together, and he was still... whatever you want to call what you two were doing then… I thought he was being a horrible friend to me then too."

Iruka cocked his head, trying to think, figure out where this was going. "Genma and I were together a long time, Kakashi. I know you were friends before that, but…"

A pale hand reached across the table, touched Iruka's arm. "Now I know that. And it makes me realize something." He drew his hand back, leaned back on his hands, mostly to resist the urge to pull his mask back up. "I didn't know. I was his friend then, and I didn't really know. You were 'sweet boy' and I remembered seeing you, mostly at games, sometimes at parties, and on those nights I came by Genma's after missions… but it never registered you were the same guy, year after year, his lover. I was the horrible friend to him then." Kakashi leaned back even further, pillowed his head on a cushion, as if they weren't in the restaurant, in the special private room in the back, past the glass hallways, but at home instead. i Only there is no home for us, no common home anyway. /i

The sensei sat at the table, drinking his tea, looking at his ex-lover, his hopefully lover-to-be. "I've thought about it," he admitted, quietly. "I didn't really know you then, either, you were just one of those guys that came over sometimes. I knew Hayate better, and I registered you as the guy who sat on the couch next to Hayate, reading a book. I knew the legend that you were, of course."

He shrugged, lightly, then reached his hand up to run over the scar on his nose. "I don't know if it bothered Genma that you didn't notice. He never said anything about it. When you and I were together, we only talked about you in terms of then, in terms of me with you, really. We didn't talk about those nights all those years ago when he'd hold your hand after a mission, and I'd go lay in his bed, my bed, by myself."

Kakashi's eye went a little wide. "Is that what it felt like, for you? Being left alone that way? Like when you…"

"No, Kakashi. It's not the same. I never thought you were in love with him." Iruka shrugged. "I don't mean it that way, only that I felt like when he gave to you, I was giving to you as well, and yet, you're right, we didn't know each other."

The jounin reached a pale hand up to touch the back of his head, slipping it between the silver hair and the cushion beneath it. He remembered Genma's hand on the same spot, protecting his head from a wall, protecting Kakashi from himself. "No. I wasn't in love with him."

There was a moment of stillness. One man sat at the table, politely, a cup of tea in his hand. The other lay on the floor, sprawled, careless.

There was nothing between them but their own history, their own confusing mass of emotions, for a moment.

"You want to be his lover," Iruka said, very softly, into the stillness of the room.

Both eyes closed, one beneath a black satin eye patch, the other covered only by a white lid. "Yes. He doesn't see anyone else. Maybe Kotetsu, in a way, sometimes, but Kotetsu and Izumo…"

"Are Kotetsu and Izumo, and you can't have only one of them, so he can't really have Kotetsu." Iruka finished for him. "And you…?"

The Copy Ninja swallowed, hard, feeling as if he were choking for a moment, and then licked his lips and spoke. "I am yours. Have been yours. Will be yours. But I want to be his, too."

Iruka thought for a long moment, trying to reorder his picture of the world, put the puzzle together in a new way. Images of Kakashi sitting on Genma's couch, taking comfort in silence, flashed in his mind. Images of himself and Genma, what had always been between them. Images of Kakashi and himself, those three years of laughter and smiles and mutual support and hope dragged from darkness. Finally, he spoke.

"If he wants that, so do I. If he doesn't…"

Kakashi curled his lips up into a smile. "I am yours, have been yours, will be yours."

The repeated words sent a shiver up Iruka's spine, and he gave a nod. "Thank you." He wasn't sure if he could say the words in return or not, wasn't sure if it would seem like only a lie, because there were so many things that had said, in all the time he'd known Kakashi, that he couldn't really be his. He settled for "I want to be yours too."


	15. Simply End Remix Epilogue

Simply End Remix: Epilogue

It is a Satuday evening, and in the Shiranui household, there is a party going on. The two couches and assortment of cushions in the living room are all draped with bodies, drinks are passed from one hand to another, some kind of new age-sounding music is coming from a stereo that's been alternately turned up and down to fit the mood of the evening several times already.

At the moment, it is quiet, and in fact, one of the party-goers is already either asleep or unconscious, the blond woman who works at the mission desk lying with her head on the arm of the couch, a scribbled 'still can't hold your liquor, Yori' across her face. The handwriting looks suspiciously like that of a certain schoolteacher.

That same schoolteacher is sprawled on the floor, basking in a ray of moonlight rather than sunlight at the moment. His head rests on the thigh of a spiky-haired chuunin with a bandage across his nose, a senbon rests between his lips, and a bandana is half-hanging-off his hair, the old joke of imitating Genma brought back for the evening on a whim.

The other 'monkey' lies sprawled across the floor as well, his hand reaching out occasionally to tickle Kotetsu's feet, at other times reaching up to sweep his bangs out of his face, or to reach for the bottle of beer sitting beside him.

A purple-haired kunoichi takes up an armchair, her hand trailing down to rest on the head of a scarred jounin who leans back against the chair, soft laughter and a single shared drink passing back and forth between them. Raidou's foot is stretched out to rest against that of the honey-haired jounin sitting on the couch, a lazy and casual acknowledgement of a connection, thoughtless and yet meaningful.

Resting on Genma's shoulder, the head of the last member of the little crew, silver hair splayed everywhere against Genma's tan skin, a lazy smirk on his face as he listens to Genma spinning some bullshit tale about a mission that wasn't half as interesting as he's making it sound.

Into this scene bursts a blond-haired young man with his dark-haired wife on his arm, and he sweeps perceptive blue eyes around the room, taking in the group of thirty-and-forty-somethings sprawled around the room and turning back to look at his wife.

"Hinata-chan, do you have any idea...?" and the rest of the question is left unsaid, but it could have been 'who is with who here' or 'what is going on' or perhaps 'exactly what this complex web of bonds is'. They shared a laugh, understanding the by-now-old joke, and pushed their way through the room to toss people out of the way and make room for themselves.

There is more laughter, as Genma falls off the couch and rolls across the floor to rest against Iruka, as Kakashi scoots over to let Naruto sit by him instead of following, as Hinata rolls her eyes and plops in Naruto's lap.

"None of your damn business, that's always the answer..." Iruka says, winking at his former student, turning his head to nuzzle against Kotetsu's leg.

"Yeah, that's about right..." comes the reply, as the younger members of the party reach for the stereo remote, crank the music up.

Just about right.


End file.
